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by Dale Connelly, 2/18/00

Dc: This is DCR, news meant for amusement. The push is on by phone and cable TV companies to provide high speed Internet access, the next big step in creating a totally wired country and world. But each action elicits an equal and opposite reaction in this case that's Dugan Armstrong, Internet Service entrepreneur, and founder of something called "TurtleNet."

Dugan: (intense, type A) I started TurtleNet because I sensed a demand
for extremely slow Internet access.

Dc: How could that be? Everyone else is trying to go faster. Isn't that

Dugan: A faster Internet is better for shopping and getting information. It
might even start to make money for all those companies that have poured
billions into online marketing. A faster Internet will also take away the
attention of a lot of people maybe the people you care about most.
With TurtleNet, you have Internet access but it stays excruciating.

Dc: Why would anyone want that?

Dugan: Here's an example of what I mean. A dramatization we did. A ten
year old boy and his mom are by the computer. Listen.

Mom: Hey, pal. What're you doing?

Kid: Waiting for this page to load. It's a Brittney Spears fan site.

Mom: Sounds interesting.

Kid: Not yet. It's taking forever.

Mom: I guess you have to be patient.

Kid: Gol I'll be an old man before this page loads. And she'll be
married! (realizes what he's said) Not that it matters to me.

Mom: Well whattaya say we go out and toss the frisbee around while
you wait?

Kid: Uh I guess.

Dugan: Get the idea? Here's another one.

Carol: What's wrong with this computer? I'm trying to read the New York
Times and just getting the website to come up it's agonizing.

Bob: Maybe it's those wacky hackers they don't have any manners.

Carol: This is like stealing. They're talking my time away from me.
I feel like a dope just sitting here.

Bob: Well I made dinner.

Carol: You did?

Bob: Yeah, you wanna come eat? While you wait for your page to load, I
mean. We could talk.

Carol: Talk? You mean in a chat room?

Bob: No, here. Right here in our house. At the table.

Carol: About ?

Bob: About how frustrating the Internet can be.

Carol: Oh. OK. It looks like it'll be a while anyway.

Bob: Let it run. That way, nobody can call us and interrupt our meal.

(music: romantic out)

Dugan: So do you get it now? Do you see what I'm talking about?

Dc: So TurtleNet is really about people spending time together.

Dugan: We give them the slow service that makes face to face interaction
possible we give them something to complain about (which is a time
honored conversation starter), and by focusing on something that
technology has already perfected pokey service spotty access
frequent disruptions we know that we can give our customers just what
they need, want and expect. All for $15.95 a month!

Dc: Dugan Armstrong, creator of TurtleNet, the slowest Internet service

Dugan: Soon with an upgraded version we call "Molasses."

Dc: Can't wait.

Dugan: You'll have to.

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