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Leslie: Here now the news, I'm Leslie Generic.
(sfx: applause ends)
Burstyn: We are not the party of negative people, we're positive!
Leslie: Political experts say Governor Burstyn is taking a big risk with this approach. Campaign analyst Ted Sheffield.
Ted: The intolerant aren't going to be able to stomach too much of
Leslie: The tobacco industry indicated this week it is willing to allow the Federal Drug Administration to regulate marketing of cigarettes for the first time. Analysts say this is another example of how large companies are deciding there's no future in the cigarette business. Dean James follows the tobacco industry for the investment firm Churning and Associates.
James: (a smoker, he's constantly puffing) The cigarette business is dying. Choking. This is the last gasp. It used to be the industry was run by people who had no remorse about making a living off helpless addicts who couldn't leave the product alone if they wanted to. Those executives have all moved on to Internet companies and are now making a living off helpless addicts who can't leave the product alone even if they want to.
Leslie: Tobacco industry expert Dean James. Doctors have completed the first successful lung bypass operation. Zelda Plowright reports.
Zelda: Lifetime smoker Duncan Sladek realized his lungs were getting
clogged up and was grateful when doctors and Sprawling Medical were
willing to try a unique lung bypass operation.
Duncan: Yes, but now the worst of it is over and I'm looking forward to getting back to my two main hobbies, eating Peanut butter cookies and smoking cigarettes.
Zelda: Yes, two guilty pleasures. Neither one of them good for you.
Duncan: That's right. That's why the surgeons separated my systems. Before, when I was an integrated system, if my lungs got sick from smoking then the whole rest of me might die. But now, my lungs are in this handy little box here.
(sfx: inhale, exhale)
And if smoking makes them sick, I could take these old ones out and put in some new ones.
Zelda: And the Peanut butter cookies work the same way?
Duncan: That's right. I still eat them through my mouth, because that's where all the pleasure is, but no matter how many cookies and snacks I eat, I don't get fat. They go into this container that I've got right here my stomach on a separate system entirely. You can look inside if you want.
(sfx: door open)
There it is, digesting it's little heart out.
Zelda: The heart is out too?
Duncan: No, I had to keep that where it was.
Zelda: How do you stay alive?
Duncan: I don't pretend to know how they did it. Of course, I never figured out that cigarettes could kill me either. And now, I don't have to think period.
Zelda: (vo) And that could be the greatest benefit of all. Zelda Plowright, Washington.
Leslie: A government report has identified feedlot manure as a major factor leading to higher than expected levels of e coli bacteria in America's cattle. Now the cattle are defending themselves. Chuck Cudd is with the Bovine Worker's Association of America.
Chuck: The manure is not the responsibility of the cattle. Do we make it? Sure. But it's a manufacturing by-product. In any other factory, if they dumped the industrial waste on the ground and walked around in it it just wouldn't be accepted. There'd be a big stink, and government action. Right now, all we've got is the first part.
Leslie: Chuck Cudd of the Bovine Workers' Association.
Congress is once again preparing to consider the Impatient's Bill of
Dash: I was there! I showed up on time. I checked around. I didn't see anybody. I left! I'm not gonna sit around waiting and waiting. I've got things to do!
Leslie: Rally organizer Dawn Dash. The Impatient's Bill of Rights is slated for quick action this session. And that's the news. I'm Leslie Generic.