Dc: It's time for "Trial Balloon," a commentary on the issues
of the day.
This week's we hear from Edward Elmo, President of SCREECH. The Serious
Citizens Resolved to Enable and Effectively Change Highways.
Elmo: Thank you. I applaud Governor Ventura for his veto of the "Keep
Right' legislation that would have set up road signs every fifty miles
reminding slower drivers to stay out of the left lane!
Clearing the left lane will not solve our problems.
We have to be aggressive about radical road reform.
SCREECH! has a five point program.
First - Get rid of "the sane lane."
Why? There are simply NOT enough sane people on the road today to justify
it. Let's stop pretending.
Number two - speed limits. They're a joke. Eliminate them. No one will
Point three - Deregulate the automotive and undertaking industries.
Allow funeral homes to sell cars. Let car dealers sell coffins. Only
an idiot would miss the connection.
Item four - Commission the pinball industry to design new guard rails.
And number five - keep score and give prizes.
Stop making the State Patrol punish people.
Turn those maroon cruisers into "prizemobiles" and make them
good behavior. If you thought by driving safely and co-operatively there
was even a small chance you'd get pulled over so a smiling trooper could
give you cash, trips, cars, luxury items
perhaps a lovely gift
certificate for two to the upscale restaurant of your choice
I believe your habits would change for the better!
Call me a nut, but I had to say it.
That's my Trial Balloon. I'm Edward Elmo.
Dc: The Trial Balloon is made possible by the Chattering Institute,
an idea center for those who can only think "out loud."
It's safe to have your say
at the Chattering Institute.
Dale Connelly Reporting Home