|MPR News for Headlines, Weather, and Stories|
Leslie: Here now the news, I'm Leslie Generic.
Stu: You come in here and you're a murderer
big deal! Join the
club! Violent assault, grand larceny, nobody is impressed. But dumb
there's prestige! Like the guys who stood outside with
their guns drawn and their ski masks on
waiting for the bank
to open! (laughs) Yeah, those guys are here! They're stars! I've met
Zelda: As with the Million man march, the million mom march and the
million mutt march, the capitol mall is a lightning rod for large groups
of people with a cause. Today, Marchers Mad about Marching marched to
say marchers marching on Washington wear out the national attention
span and trample the national grass on the national mall.
(sfx: large crowd)
Barb: We're here to say this is our mall too, and we're marching to
say it looks great without thousands and thousands of people cluttering
(sfx: horn honking)
Zelda: (questioning) But what about free speech?
Barb: Traffic is speech. If traffic can't move, it's message is silenced. Even though it gets louder! And that's not right!
Zelda: At the pinnacle of their protest, the anti-march marchers chained
themselves to tourist busses and were very slowly led away.
Leslie: An alignment of the Sun, the Moon and the five brightest planets
with the Earth has arrived without the disasters predicted by some doomsayers.
Alarmists say the tightest alignment since 1962 of Mercury, Venus, Mars,
Jupiter, Saturn and Earth's moon will cause tidal waves and earthquakes
during the next few weeks.
Poppycock: Basically, all the copies of "The May 2000 Apocalypse" that I'm going to sell have already sold. If the Earth flies apart, my readers will believe me to be a genius and a prophet, but alas, we'll all be dead. Not very satisfying to my way of thinking. If, however the world holds together, I will be scorned as an alarmist lunatic who cheated thousands. But I get to spend the money. And that is a beautiful outcome.
Leslie: Disaster author Reginald Poppycock.
The National Big Storms Administration has presented it's annual preview of the upcoming Hurricane Season. Louie B. Mogul is the spokesman.
Louie: We've got a line of Blockbusters scheduled from July all the way through October. One after another hard hitting behemoths with lots of wind, lots of water. Questions?
Reporter 1: Louie, will there be destruction?
Louie: There's gonna be destruction, oh, you bet.
Reporter 2: Critics have said the Hurricane season is creatively dead. Why is it always the same thing over and over?
Louie: (combative) What, you have a better idea?
Reporter 2: Well, why can't there be more sensitive, misty rains?
Reporter 1: How about gossamer light mornings that dawn as gently as a baby's kiss?
Louie: I'm sure some people prefer a misty rain. Everyone likes babies.
But our real competition is the monsoon season, the tornado season,
typhoons and earthquakes.
Leslie: Louie B. Mogul of the National Big Storms Administration.