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Dc: This is DCR, it's not the news.
Ben: Glad to be here.
Dc: You each have a gripe with phony blood. Megan?
Megan: It's just gross. And the idea of a corporation
Can you imagine them making
in a factory
that takes the place of our own blood? And the economic and marketing
part of that?
Dc: And Ben?
Ben: At Slasher films, we developed fake blood years ago. We feel like we own the "brand" if you know what I mean. Somebody says "it's not real blood," and you think "Hey, I've seen that in Slasher Films." Our movies are just full of it.
Dc: But the scientists are talking about developing a functional blood, where yours in your movies is just for looks.
Ben: Have you seen any of our movies?
Dc: Well no
Ben: Trust me. Functional? It does the job.
Megan: He's right. I've seen Hacksaw Highway four times.
Ben: Did you like it?
Megan: It was awesome. The scene with the stapler?
Ben: Oh, I know.
Megan: I cringed like every time.
Ben: I loved that scene.
Dc: Right, but this blood substitute Oxygent is something intended for actual medical use to extend the blood supply and conserve resources and save lives
Megan: But suppose it does
work better than real
blood? Like they say it carries more oxygen? What's to stop people
athletes and weight lifters
from replacing all their
blood with Oxygent?
Ben: And there's another problem nobody's talking about. The news reports say this blood substitute Oxygent is white, like baby's formula. Well you just can't do that.
Megan: Isn't it, like, aliens who bleed milky stuff?
Ben: Right. We have billions of dollars in movies that we own the rights to all built around the idea that blood is red. If you start to introduce milky colored stuff or other designer colors that undermines the integrity of our entire catalog. And if there's one thing we care about at Slasher Films Inc., it's integrity.
Dc: It sounds like there are a lot of "issues" here.
Megan: Plus the human body already knows how to make it's blood, right? If we start using a replacement, what if the body .. y'know forgets?
Ben: It could happen. I think we did a movie like that.
Megan: I don't want to get to a world where like only Martha Stewart knows how to make her own blood, you know? Cause if she has to show you how to do something that gets really obnoxious and time consuming too.
Dc: Thanks to both of you for sharing your concerns about artificial blood. Let's hope everyone's worst fears don't come true.
Ben: Everyone's worst fears are my business.
Megan: I just got a chill.
Dc: Megan Carpel-Tunnel of SOB, or "Save Our Blood," and Ben Warren of Slasher Films Inc.