BLOOD SUBSITUTE
with Dale Connelly, 6/23/00

Dc: This is DCR, it's not the news.
Several private companies are working hard to develop an artificial substitute for human blood. This could be very useful in saving lives of trauma and stroke and heart attack victims who need help quickly.
One promising product is called "Oxygent," which is being tested right now. Oxygent is touted as being able to deliver oxygen in ways that are often better than the body's own red blood cells.
But, as with many technological solutions to biological problems, there is opposition. With me are two anti-blood substitute activists, Megan Carpel-Tunnel of SOB, or "Save Our Blood," and Ben Warren of Slasher Films Inc. Thanks for coming in.

Megan: Thanks.

Ben: Glad to be here.

Dc: You each have a gripe with phony blood. Megan?

Megan: It's just gross. And the idea of a corporation … I mean … Can you imagine them making … in a factory … something that takes the place of our own blood? And the economic and marketing part of that?
I am just So against this.

Dc: And Ben?

Ben: At Slasher films, we developed fake blood years ago. We feel like we own the "brand" if you know what I mean. Somebody says "it's not real blood," and you think "Hey, I've seen that in Slasher Films." Our movies are just full of it.

Dc: But the scientists are talking about developing a functional blood, where yours … in your movies … is just for looks.

Ben: Have you seen any of our movies?

Dc: Well no …

Ben: Trust me. Functional? It does the job.

Megan: He's right. I've seen Hacksaw Highway four times.

Ben: Did you like it?

Megan: It was awesome. The scene with the stapler?

Ben: Oh, I know.

Megan: I cringed … like … every time.

Ben: I loved that scene.

Dc: Right, but … this blood substitute … Oxygent … is something intended for actual medical use to extend the blood supply and conserve resources and save lives …

Megan: But suppose it does … like … work better than real blood? Like they say it carries more oxygen? What's to stop people … like … athletes and weight lifters … from replacing all their blood with Oxygent?
If you think $1.90 a gallon is too much to pay for gas … can you imagine how pharmaceutical companies might run up the price on your …like .. blood? And if you're more than a quart low … that's, like, a major, major loan.

Ben: And there's another problem nobody's talking about. The news reports say this blood substitute Oxygent is white, like baby's formula. Well you just can't do that.

Megan: Isn't it, like, aliens who bleed milky stuff?

Ben: Right. We have billions of dollars in movies that we own the rights to … all built around the idea that blood is red. If you start to introduce milky colored stuff or other designer colors … that undermines the integrity of our entire catalog. And if there's one thing we care about at Slasher Films Inc., it's integrity.

Dc: It sounds like there are a lot of "issues" here.

Megan: Plus … the human body already knows how to make it's blood, right? If we start using a replacement, what if the body .. y'know … forgets?

Ben: It could happen. I think we did a movie like that.

Megan: I don't want to get to a world where … like … only Martha Stewart knows how to make her own blood, you know? Cause if she has to show you how to do something … that gets really obnoxious and time consuming too.

Dc: Thanks to both of you for sharing your concerns about artificial blood. Let's hope everyone's worst fears don't come true.

Ben: Everyone's worst fears are my business.

Megan: I just got a chill.

Dc: Megan Carpel-Tunnel of SOB, or "Save Our Blood," and Ben Warren of Slasher Films Inc.

Dale Connelly Reporting Home