NEWSCAST
with Leslie Generic, 6/23/00

Leslie: Here now the news, I'm Leslie Generic.
Corporate merger mania continues. Vivendi announced this week it will buy Seagram's for $34 billion dollars, creating a vast media company, second only to America Online and Time Warner. Analysts say this merger will further reduce the number of companies controlling global communication, and that soon, the only entertainment and information not under a corporate umbrella will be "local gossip over the back fence."
But even that assertion is in doubt. Local gossip monger Marge Fleming deflected questions about a possible takeover bid.

Marge: I'm not saying if it's wrong or right, I mean, who am I to judge? But these large companies, I mean, it's none of my business, but I don't think they remember from day to day WHO they've … merged with. It's always the next one they care about most.

Leslie: Local gossip Marge Fleming.
At least one Texas high school is now searching for a constitutionally acceptable substitute to the pre-game prayer. In a closely watched case, the U.S. Surpeme Court invalidated the school's policy of electing one student each year to lead the players and fans in a religious invocation. Bubby Spamden is the student who would have been expected to "solemnize" the charged atmosphere before each home football game with a prayer of his own devising. He talked to reporters …

(sfx: cameras)

Bubby: Honestly, I didn't know it was even before the court. I was already working on my actual prayers … something that would satisfy everybody … have just the right tone, be religious but not too much … but enough, you know? So nobody would feel cheated or be mad.

Reporter: Bubby, what did you think when you heard that the Supreme court was not going to allow you to do that?

Bubby: My first thought? Thank you God!

(sfx: cameras out)

Leslie: In the wake of street violence that marred the Los Angeles Lakers' NBA championship this week, California is appointing a task force to study ways to reclaim the state's "laid back" image. Robert "Moondog" Starflower will head the panel.

Starflower: It's like … California is where America first learned to Kick Back and Hang Loose. We invented casual Friday. And now I hear people talking about looting and stuff and a housing crisis and all sorts of negative, tense things on the West Coast … I'm thinking Dude! What's With That?

Leslie: Starflower says his Relaxed Attitude Task Force will begin conducting interviews after they take a few months to "get their heads together."
Motorists in the American midwest, angered over high gas prices that exceed the national average, are accusing oil companies of price gouging.
Brick Walters reports.

Brick: The oil industry watchdog group "Gas Gadflies" claims that fuel producers are "unprincipled", and can raise prices with impunity. Spokesperson Ellie Ewing.

Ellie: (phone) People are helpless when it comes to their automobiles. They simply MUST drive. It's like a tribe of ancient peoples worshipping a stone god. They see no alternative. They will pay anything, they will make any sacrifice as long as you don't ask them to drive less.

Brick: But at the pumps, they tell a different story. This Chicago area motorist say the record high cost of fuel has forced him to cut back.

(sfx: traffic)

Motorist: I have cut way back on fruits and vegetables for the family. The kids don't like vegetables anyway, and now that we've gone to a diet of soda crackers and Fruit Loops, the kids are kind of anemic and they don't get out and play much, which means their clothes stay cleaner so we save money on laundry detergent and we can put that back into gas.

Brick: Isn't there some area where you can save money and not affect the children?

Motorist: My mom's pacemaker takes two batteries. We're gonna see if we can run it on just one.

Brick: Have you considered driving less?

Motorist: (pause) No.

Brick: Out in the field, I'm Brick Walters.

Leslie: The success of the TV series "Survivor" has spawned numerous imitations, primarily in the form of radio station contests. However, one such promotional stunt went awry when disc jockies at WMWM-FM stranded 8 of their listeners on a houseboat moored to a railroad bridge in the middle of the river. During the contest, the station's management abruptly changed format from Alternative Rock to Christian Talk. Rather than come in, the contestants voted to form a collective to protest the format shift. Alison Heatherway says the group plans to stay on the boat.

Alison: (phone) We like it out here. There are plenty of rats and snakes. People drop us canned food and desserts from the bridge and frankly, it beats having to go to work.

Leslie: Station management has described their former listeners as "lost souls" and has issued a public plea for them to "come home."
The contestants have applied to the government for official tribal status so they can build a dock and open a casino.
And that's the news … I'm Leslie Generic.

Dale Connelly Reporting Home