|MPR News for Headlines, Weather, and Stories|
Dc: This is DCR, a news program that's reality free.
Wendy: It's ten o'clock Tuesday morning at Happy Clams Pre School that means it's time for the kiddies to have some treats!
(sfx: lots of cellophane rustling)
Many of the children dig out a favorite snack, healthy and nutritious
crackers and cheese.
Nancy: They don't realize it, the little darlings, but they are already
deep into a habit that will put them at the mercy of the largest food
juggernaut the world has ever seen.
Wendy: She's talking about the distinct possibility of a worldwide cheese and crackers monopoly a nightmare scenario being pushed by alarmist groups such as Snack Attack and Vending Avengers. This person, who wore a gas mask to conceal her identity, insisted that I call her "Commandante X." She claims to be a spokesperson for Snack Attack.
X: (extremely muffled to the point of being unintelligible) This is a corporate takeover of one of the people's favorite snacks.
Wendy: I'm sorry I didn't
X: (muffled, emphatic gibberish) Corporations should not be able to own and control such a large portion of the world cheese and cracker supply.
Wendy: I can't make out what you're saying. You're concerned about what?
X: (careful, still garbage) I'm concerned about communicating our message.
Wendy: About some sort of commune and a massage?
X: (muffled) Aghghghg!
Spin: (phone) I don't think that's a very rational fear.
Wendy: Spin Williams is a freelance corporate apologist.
Spin: (phone) Nobody is talking about cornering the market on cheese.
Cheese is almost
a human right. And crackers
what is a
cracker but glorified toast? And toast is everywhere. Even in the desert.
Especially in the desert.
Wendy: Are you saying people can make their own cheese and crackers?
Spin: I think they could. Should they, though? That's another question.
Wendy: Snack Industry Analyst Robert Munch has no trouble envisioning a "Brave New World" of leisure foods designed by large multinationals.
Munch: Why couldn't you
develop a special kind of cracker which
is only sympathetic with a certain kind of cheese produced by your own
Wendy: Former Microsoft executive, and now snack industry analyst Robert Munch. But Commandante X of Snack Attack says what do you say?
X: (muffled) The means of production will stay in the hands of the people, even if it has to go underground!
Wendy: What? I couldn't make out what you said because of the gas mask.
X: (mask off) Oh for crying out loud. I said "The means of production of cheese and crackers will stay in the hands of the people, even if it has to go underground!"
Wendy: Goodness! You're going to raise cows underground?
X: If we must!
Wendy: Better hang on to that gas mask!
(sfx: kids playing)
Nancy: When I was little we had cheese
and we had crackers.
Wendy: (int) Actually, tobacco will own them both!
Nancy: And that's going to take some getting used to.
Wendy: I'm Wendy Vapors, and I'm reporting!