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Leslie: Here now the news, I'm Leslie Generic.
Voice: G A T G C C T A G (under)
Doug: We're already three hours into the broadcast, and as you can hear, it's going very well. The listener response is overwhelming. People want to know what's in the genome and we think this information belongs to them, so I'm thrilled to be part of this first broadcast. Hang on a moment this is one of my favorite passages coming up right here
Voice: (with feeling) T A T G G C (under) A A G T
Doug: (in reverie) Ah! TATGGC gives me a chill. We're still on the first chromosome. At this rate we hope to be done with the entire text in about 25 years.
Leslie: Public radio producer Doug Leatherpipes.
Chuck: (phone) The ballooning federal surplus has exceeded all expectations. Although it is nothing more than an expectation itself, it is still a larger expectation than any expectation we ever expected to have.
Louie: (phone) Right now, with what we know, this is what we're goin' with. One point 9 trillion.
Chuck: Louie the Pocket is a congressional budget handicapper.
Louie: Is it gonna come in at 1.9 T? The odds are for it, 2 to 1. But you know the economy has an off year, we get a war or higher gas prices it might change. The question is how lucky do you feel?
Chuck: Mr. The Pocket advises people who are counting on a specific surplus amount to hedge their bets, especially if they are office holders planning to invest political capital in tax rebates or new government spending. Chuck Upchurch, Washington.
Leslie: The decision of the Federal Reserve Open Market Committee to do nothing about changing interest rates has sparked the expected rally on Wall Street. Mandy Ann Shwartzbauer leads cheers at the New York Stock Exchange.
(sfx: excited crowd)
Mandy Ann: (perky) We think our Federal Reserve Open Market Committee is the BEST! They send the rate up when we need to calm down! They send it down when we need to fire up! And when it's time to be steady, they're steady! Come on, everybody!
Peppers! Primes! Leeks and Dates!
(music: circus band quick fade) (mercury 432 019)
Leslie: Dow Jones cheerleader Mandy Ann Schwartzbauer, who said she would like to lead the rally "forever," although she admitted that was probably "irrational."
This week, the US Supreme Court bolstered the Miranda Warning and refused
to block Elian Gonzalez's return to Cuba. It also required immigration
officials to read an "Elian Warning" to all cute, photogenic,
underage illegal aliens.
Oracle Corporation, the nation's second largest software company, has
admitted hiring a detective firm to dig up embarrassing information
(music: noir sax under)
Max: Yeah, it was a misty April night. I parked my wheels by the office dumpster. A housekeeping dame came hurrying out of the building, packing two Hefty bags full to bursting. I said "what's the rush, doll? Why not take a load off and ditch the excess in the back seat of my roadster? I feel an anti-trust violation comin' on. The next thing I saw was stars. I'd been shut down with all my windows open. Nothin' new, but I didn't look forward to the re-booting.
Leslie: Private investigator Max Karoke. He says he is no longer working
for Oracle Corporation or spying on Microsoft, and that the only company
document ever in his possession was a small shred of paper that read
"garbage in, garbage out."