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Dc: This is DCR, a news program not to be believed.
(sfx: cocktail party)
Jennifer: When the movers and shakers who guide the Enough! Party gather
for camaraderie and gossip, the talk almost always goes to the tactics
of the party's presidential candidate, Senator Sam Spleen, who has been
out of sight since March.
Partygoer 1: I was thinking Judge Crater might be a good one.
Partygoer 2: No no no. He's not known!
Partygoer 1: Well he disappeared.
Partygoer 3: But he's forgotten now. What we need is someone who is still known.
Partygoer 1: Waldo?
Partygoer 3: How about Amelia Earhart?
Partygoer 1: Great, we need a woman on the ticket.
Partygoer 2: Jimmy Hoffa could help us with the labor vote!
(sfx: crowd fade out)
Jennifer: But these names of famous disappeared people are just wishful thinking. Political analyst Spin Williams says what the Enough Party needs is someone to serve as a counterpoint to the enigmatic Spleen, someone who is not afraid to be seen in public.
Spin: (phone) They need a home run here. Someone who loves being in the public eye. Someone who is well known. Someone who is widely respected and will bring in a lot and I mean a LOT of votes.
Jennifer: (q) One of the names I've heard mentioned is Oprah.
Spin: That is not going to happen. Oprah is already more powerful than
any vice president in the nation's history. Oprah can make a book a
national best seller. Find a modern vice president who could even convince
his friends to read a specific book.
Jennifer: Plus the VP has to go to lots of funerals.
Spin: Yes, and I think Oprah would find that discouraging.
Jennifer: (annc) So who is really on the short list to run with Spleen in the fall? Campaign manager Rhonda Alonzo was questioned about that at length this week.
Rhonda: I can't reveal any names to you. That would be wrong.
Reporter 1: Well Rhonda, who would that be?
Rhonda: Use your brains! Who could step right in? Someone who has been president already could do it, couldn't they?
Reporter 2: Are you talking to former presidents?
Rhonda: Unfortunately, none of the living former presidents is willing to join a new third party. Surprise! But you know there are other ways.
Rhonda: I don't want to name any names, but there are several people around who have SHOWN they can be presidential and look presidential even though they have not actually been the president. Now I leave it to you to figure that one out
Reporter 3: Is it Al Haig?
Rhonda: Give me a break, huh? I said someone who has SHOWN they can look presidential. Someone who can face the cameras. Hint hint? Someone who can (slow down) calm the people in a time of trouble. Someone who exudes authority.
Reporter 1: Are you talking about Martin Sheen?
Rhonda: Um, no, but there's an example, certainly, of someone who has shown he can be the president, on TV. I love The West Wing, I'm sure you do too. But there is more to being president than just the TV.
Reporters: (hubub up)
Reporter 2: How about Kevin Kline? He was president in Dave!
Reporter 3: Morgan Freeman! I loved him in Deep Impact!
Reporter 1: Bill Pullman in Independence Day!
Reporter 2: Harrison Ford played the president in Air Force One!
Reporter 1: Lynne Thigpen in Bicentennial Man!
Reporter 3: Didn't Ed Asner play the president?
Rhonda: Hang on now. Hold it. Settle down.
Reporters: (hubub down)
Rhonda: While it's true that all the people you mentioned have played
the president and would make wonderful running mates for Senator Spleen,
let the record show I have not mentioned anyone's name in particular.
And I would caution you about jumping to any conclusions.
Reporters: (hubub down)
Jennifer: Spleen campaign manager Rhonda Alonzo. The list of actors who have read for the part is closely guarded. Insiders suggest this is really a race between Morgan Freeman, whose president in Deep Impact was very calming and stable, and Bill Pullman, whose president in Independence Day flew a jet, which the voters seem to like.
Dc: And not Harrison Ford?
Jennifer: His president in Air Force One got thrown out of a jet. That's very different and not at all reassuring.
Dc: Chief political correspondent Jennifer Hampster.