LUTHERAN OLYMPICS
by Dale Connelly, 7/28/00

Dc: This is DCR, it's not the news. In September the Olympics will be held in Sydney, but leading up to that there are a number of other Olympic contests that are smaller but no less important. Of course I'm thinking about the Lutheran Olympics.
The US team has been training for months and it includes some
fantastic competitors. Among them are Heather Larsen with an "e" and Tiffany Larson with an "o". Thanks for coming by, Heather and Tiffany.

Heather and Tiffany: No problem. Etc.

Dc: You two … after the Lutheran Olympics you might be household names.

Heather: That would be great, but it's not why I got involved.

Tiffany: Me neither. It was something fun to do, to be on a team and really feel, you know, connected to the other members.

Dc: And Heather?

Heather: My mother taught me some of the events and I really enjoy them.

Dc: You are both possible medalists in the "Hot Put." What's that?

Tiffany: You just take a hot dish and throw it as far as you can.

Heather: That's all it is. You wanna see a demonstration?

Dc: I sure do. What are you using here? Is there a standard?

Tiffany: It's a two quart casserole. Pyrex.

Dc: And inside?

Tiffany: Today I'm throwing a macaroni and hamburger hot dish with cream of mushroom soup and some corn mixed in.

Dc: OK. We'll stand back. Is it hot?

Tiffany: Well, there's a reason why they call it the HOT put.

Dc: But is it really hot?

Tiffany: Kinda hot. We can wear gloves.

Heather:. The hotter it is, the more air pockets it has inside. And when you throw it, it does seem to fly better.

Tiffany: But that might be because you're anxious to get rid of it. Because it's so … you know … hot.

Dc: Ok. Heather is going to show us how she trains for the Hot Put in the upcoming Lutheran Olympics. And Tiffany will explain.

Tiffany: OK, she's getting down in the crouch. She's got the casserole balanced on her right hand, up by her shoulder, right next to her head. She's going to power out of the crouch using her leg muscles … keeping her back straight … she'll move across the ring with a jump and a hop and then pivot, extending that right arm and at the same time kicking her left leg out in back … and then she'll kinda heave it with all her weight.

Dc: And here she goes!

Heather: Aghghghghgghghghghghghghgoooooooof!

(silence for 5 sec)
(sfx: off mic crash of hot dish)
(sfx: applause)

Dc: Wow! That was great! How did it feel?

Heather: It felt good. But just as I was doing the pivot I realized I forgot to put the pimentos in. And I'm kinda suspicious. I think I do better with the pimentos in for color.

Dc: And here's the judge.

Judge: Forty two feet, seven and one half inches!

(sfx: applause)

Dc: Great! Wow, fantastic. I had an uncle who hated cream of mushroom soup but he never threw a hot dish that far.

Heather: I'm usually up in the mid 43's, so I think the pimento thing did hurt my distance, a bit.

Tiffany: The world record is forty four feet, three and a quarter inches, but some people think it was wind assisted.

Dc: And now Tiffany, you're going to do one?

Tiffany: Yeah, I'm throwing tuna today. This is a standard tuna casserole. I chose tuna because it's lighter than the beef, but high in protein.

Dc: Ok. And Tiffany is taking her place in the ring. She's going to follow pretty much the same form and technique that Heather used.
You all train together and I suppose the coach has a system so you all throw pretty much alike.

Heather: Pretty much, although Tiff keeps her trajectory kinda low and goes out with more lateral power across the shoulders.

Dc: And here she goes!

Tiffany: Aghghghghgghghghghghghghgoooooooof!

(silence for 4 sec)
(sfx: off mic crash of hot dish)
(sfx: applause)

Dc: Wow! Just fantastic. How was that?

Tiffany: It felt really good. I think that was my best tuna throw ever.

Judge: Forty four feet, one and three quarter inches!

(sfx: applause)

Dc: That's terrific. What a sight!

Tiffany: All right! I broke 44! Wow!

Heather: You rock, Tiffany. You rule!

Dc: You're getting close to that world record.

Tiffany: I think we're both going to be in the running for medals. I hope so.

Heather: Wouldn't it be great if we both got them? That would be so cool.

Dc: And getting a medal at the Lutheran Olympics is a pretty big deal.

Tiffany: It is so cool.

Heather: There is a thing the medalists do when they go out to stand on the platforms to get the awards … it's a kind of "after you, I'm not worthy" sort of dance they do.

Tiffany: It's really complicated and fun. We've been practicing it.

Dc: We'll all be rooting for you. Tiffany Larson with an "o" and Heather Larsen with an "e", hoping to represent us all in the Hot Put, the hot dish throw at this summer's Lutheran Olympics.

Dale Connelly Reporting Home