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Dc: This is DCR, a news program not to be belived.
Marj: (breathless) Thanks for having me. Glad to be here.
Dc: You're so out of breath.
Marj: I ran from my last interview. The guy was an idiot. I had had enough, the cab hadn't come yet to bring me here, so I decided to run.
Dc: You just... decided.
Marj: It felt right. What can I say?
Dc: Not much. You're out of breath.
Marj: In a few minutes I'll be just fine.
Dc: You're a consultant. A "Spontaniety Coach." What sort of candidate needs your help?
Marj: If they're too "closed in," too careful. If they strike the voters as "stilted" and "wooden." They just... I dunno. Hold still.
Dc: Hold still?
(sfx: big slap)
Dc: Hey! Ow!
Marj: There was a bug on you! Didn't get it, though.
Dc: Aren't you even going to apologize or anything? That hurt.
Marj: Tell me about pain! Have you got a metal plate in your head, or what? My hand is still vibrating.
Dc: Didn't you think for a moment there that you might not get the fly and it would be embarassing.
Marj: That was no fly. It was ugly. Surprising I even noticed it, considering the surroundings.
Marj: Ooops. Sorry. I don't know why I said that.
Dc: It wasn't very nice.
Marj: It was... what came to mind.
Dc: So you don't think much before you talk?
Marj: Not too much. I try to react naturally, to go with the inspiration. And that's what I teach the candidates, because the voters love that.
Dc: They do?
Marj: Sure. Like that thing with Bush when he called the New York Times guy a (beep boo). That was a net gain for him. Because it was natural.
Dc: Doesn't it suggest a kind of... frivolous nature that doesn't match up well with the presidency.
Marj: Maybe fifteen years ago when the world was on the brink of a nuclear confrontation, you wouldn't want a spontaneous president. But now... the public's revulsion at a "packaged" candidate is so great... Spontaneity is really high on the list for a lot of people. Is this water for me?
Dc: We put that there for you, yes. Help yourself.
Marj: Thanks. I'm dry from all the running.
(sfx: greedy drinking)
Dc: I'm talking with Marj Messner, Spontaneity consultant, who is following the urge right now to wet her whistle.
Marj: Am I parched! Gimme the pitcher.
(sfx: more greedy drinking)
Dc: I can pour another glass. You don't have to drink it right out of the...
Marj: Ah! Whew! That's better!
Dc: You dumped that whole pitcher of water on your head. You're drenched.
Marj: A lot of people wouldn't do that in a formal interview like this, but... I felt like I really wanted to. So...
Dc: Well I must say you sure seem to be the right person to teach candidates to be... spontaneous. You make it look easy.
Marj: I'm glad for that, but it takes lots of careful planning. I've always got a change of clothes with me. You wanna go bowling? I just flashed on bowling for some reason.
Dc: No thanks, I'm busy.
Marj: Just a couple of frames? It would do you good!
Dc: No thanks.
Marj: OK. I've gotta go.
(sfx: chair push back, footsteps off)
(fade) This has been great.
Dc: I haven't asked you yet to name some of the candidates you work with.
Marj: Them? Who cares! Did I say that? Gotta go!
(sfx: door close)
Dc: Marjorie Messner is a Spontaneity Coach who works with candidates who appear to be too "wooden."