Weekly Business Report
by Captain Billy, 10/6/00

This here's the weekly business report, I'm Captain Billy out at sea aboard the clipper Muskelunge, all the better to keep track of the world financial markets and the various to-ing and fro-ing of money back and forth, ain't that right boys?

(sfx: angry men up and down)

The U.S. unemployment rate fell in September to 3.9% - matching a 30-year low - and The economy added 252,000 jobs, it did. But them jobs was being done by the same five people what always takes on the extra work, ain't that right boys?

(sfx: angry men up and down)

The price of crude oil fell at the end of the week on account of the U.S. selling all 30 million barrels of reserve oil it released from that there Strategic Petroleum Reserve. Just like that, 30 million barrels, sold! And I'll bet them people what bought it is kickin' theirselves now that the price went down right away. Shoulda waited, right boys?

(sfx: angry men up and down)

And Ralph Lauren said he'll be closing all 12 of them Polo Jeans stores. Ain't that sad, boys? And get this, he's also gonna close all 11 Club Monaco boutiques! Where's we gonna go for our Ralph Lauren products? Especially them men's fragrances the boys is so fond of... Drinking.

And finally this week, US Bank and Firstar Bank decided to merge in a 19 billion dollar deal! Ain't that grand, boys? All that money, concentrated in one place!

(sfx: angry men up and down)

Aye, as pirates, we appreciates one stop shopping, we does.

And that's the business report … reminding all you investors to keep a wary eye out for sharpsters and criminals of all types, except for buccaneers, who contrary to popular opinion, is completely trustworthy and trained to give you wise business advice, every time.

Dale Connelly Reporting Home