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Dc: This is DCR, it's not the news. This is the final weekend of the presidential contest, and all the candidates are on the road, doing their best, or worst, to get out the votes and change minds. All except one. It seems that Senator Sam Spleen of the Enough party has cancelled his remaining schedule to hurry home to deal with a very private emergency... one that has become quite public. Jennifer Hampster joins us live from the Spleen family compound in Collier Bluff, Illinois. Jennifer?
(sfx: outdoor, dogs barking)
Jennifer: Yes, I'm here in an area behind the Spleen home, where all the world's press are gathered as witness to a family drama. The Senator is up a tree, not from pressure on the campaign trail but in a humanitarian effort to save a helpless little kitten who has crawled into the upper branches of this stately oak.
Spleen: (off mic) Here Kitty! Here Fluff!
Jennifer: With me is campaign manager Rhonda Alonzo. Rhonda, what's going on here?
Rhonda: The Senator has canceled his campaign schedule so he can help rescue this kitten. The animal belongs to his family. It is just 12 weeks old, a little puff ball of a cat, and it is... way up there.
Jennifer: But the election is hours away.
Rhonda: It's a personal responsibility issue. The tiny cat was in the yard and Senator Spleen unintentionally went out the door, leaving it open long enough for some other household pets to get out and chase the cat.
Jennifer: Would that be the two canine animals leaping at the base of the tree, snarling and baring their fangs?
Rhonda: Those are the family dogs, Rip and Thrash.
Jennifer: Do you mean to say...
Rhonda: Yes, He let the dogs out. He is the one. He accepts responsibility. But it was a mistake. And he's trying to make it right by getting that cat out of the tree.
Jennifer: But it seems that every time the Senator goes up a few feet in the tree, the cat climbs up an equal distance.
Rhonda: Yes, and as the cat climbs higher, greater is the risk to life and limb. For both of them. But still he climbs and dares to be great, all for the sake of a frightened pet. What a guy! I do not think you would see the other candidates doing this. (In my humble opinion).
Jennifer: Why doesn't he let it come down on it's own? You never see a cat skeleton in a tree.
Rhonda: Sometimes it takes a person of vision to see things others can't see, or have never seen! There are hawks up above that might pluck a tiny cat out of a tree. And... wolverines down here on the ground... Anything could happen. That's the kind of foresight the Senator would bring to Washington, although his personal ambition is on hold now for this mission of mercy.
Jennifer: So all campaigning is off? For this?
Rhonda: I'm sure everyone watching worldwide, but especially the cat loving registered voters of America who so far have had no one to support with anything resembling passion... understand this completely.
Jennifer: Senator Spleen continues to shimmy up the tree. We'll get back to you if anything develops. Live from the scene, this is Jennifer Hampster.