NEWSCAST
with Leslie Generic, 11/05/99

Leslie: Here now the news ... I'm Leslie Generic.
In what may be a bizarre coincidence or a mass hallucination, hundreds of local elected officials all across the country and those running for office reported hearing voices this week. Chuck Upchurch reports.

Chuck: There are reports from just about everywhere of elected officials and candidates saying "the people have spoken."
The event apparently happened Tuesday night, when stories began to flood the wires about officeholders and public service contenders who said they had received clear messages from "the people."
This school board candidate in Monroe, Indiana ehcoed what many were saying.

Board Candidate: The people have spoken. I accept the judgment of the people. The people know best.

Chuck: In every single case, the person or persons who heard "the people speak" expressed plans to "go along" with what "the people" said.
Although in relatively few cases did the "voices" say exactly the same thing.
B Marty Barry is a freelance psychotherapist who has studied the phenomenon.

Bmarty: It's common for people under a great deal of stress to believe they are being spoken to by a power greater than themselves. The crucial question is "how will they respond to this perceived "communication?"
Some obey. Some try to "lead" the voices to say something else.
I don't think it's a mass hallucination. But I would have to interview all the sufferers. Individually.

Chuck: Since the sudden wave of communication Tuesday night, no further comments have been reported. Chuck Upchurch, St. Paul.

Leslie: A scandalous new study to be published today in the scientific journal "Huh", reveals that the overwhelming majority of candidates seeking public office are not themselves.
Researcher Hal Crumley explains ...

Hal: We tood DNA samples from the candidates when they announced for office. Then, a week before the election we took another DNA sample and compared the two. In spite of repeated advice that they should "BE themselves," and stubborn claims that they had not changed, eight out of ten candidates were found NOT to be themselves by the time the votes were cast.

Leslie: The scientists tracked the candidates after the election and found that those who won continued NOT to be themselves, while those who lost were momentarily beside themselves before reverting to who they had been earlier.
A new poll from the George Shaky organization says likely voters are not yet thinking about the presidential election in the year 2000.
Zelda Plowright reports.

Zelda: It's still too early, voters say.
A majority of respondents said they hadn't given the next election even "a moment's thought." When forced to think about it by the questioner, 70% said the next election seemed like "a long time off" and "not worth the trouble" yet. When asked them how long it would be before it was no longer too early to think about the coming election, most said it would be "quite a while," while a slightly smaller amount said "a while," and a very small segment said "a little while." When asked if, when the time came, they would like a wider range of candidates to choose from, the overwhelming majority said it was "too late to do anything about it."
Zelda Plowright, Washington.

Leslie: Hong Kong, having been taken over by the Chinese Communist government in 1997, is now bracing for a long term relationship with the Disney Corporation. The two reached a deal this week to build a new theme park on the island using billions of public dollars. One business analyst said the transition will be easy.

Analyst: Communist China and Disney are both huge bureaucracies, they're both sensitive about publicity, they're both in the business of make believe, they both like money ... and they're control freaks.

Leslie: It's rumored the mascot for the new park will combine Disney's traditional themes with Communist China's, and will be called "Mickey Mao."
There's another fairy tale in the news. Forrest Grimm reports from Louisville.

Forrest: Two pigs were almost killed and a third barely escaped when freak winds blew down their houses in the dead of night!
Fiddler pig says he and his brother were sleeping in their houses, when there was a knock on the door, an exchange of words, and then a huge wind that blew the two houses off their foundations!
A third house withstood the high winds, which a forecaster for the weather service says were not caused by nature.

Forecaster: Taking a look at the radar replay for the night in question, we really don't see anything that could have caused this type of damage.
I don't want to call the pigs liars ... but what else could it be?
They're lazy bums, you can see that. Except for that third one, who seems creepy in a different way.

Forrest: The third pig claims a wolf was responsible, and wolf tracks were found at the scene, but no wolf.

Builder Pig: He probably ran away when he discovered he couldn't blow my house down. He's miles from here by now.

Forrest: Sherriff's deputies executed a search warrant on Builder Pig's brick home, and took evidence, including a pot of soup which, according to those at the scene, "smelled hairy." Forrest Grimm ... Kentucky!

Leslie: And that's the news. I'm Leslie Generic.

Dale Connelly Reporting Home