WEEKLY BUSINESS REPORT
by Captain Billy, 11/10/00

Billy: Aye, well then, it's been a mixed week on Wall Street, as them markets was waitin' and waitin' ... and waitin' for a new president of the United States, they was. This uncertainty ... the markets don't like that, do they, boys?

(sfx: angry men up and down)

We hates uncertainty, don't we! Aye! Bein' uncertain makes us uneasy, and bein' uneasy hurts our confidence, and when we ain't confident whadda we do, boys?

(sfx: angry men up and down)I

That's right, we eat! We gorge ourselves on comfort foods! Har, har, har, har! And then comes the news that Pets.com is goin' outta business! Ain't that sad, boys?

(sfx: angry men up and down)

Where will we get our Milk Bones, eh boys? Aye, this is a sorry state of affairs. The company called fifty financial backers, and only 8 would come! Sounds like an obedience problem, don't it boys? Come here, you backers! Come! Har har.

(sfx: angry men up and down)

Oh, this one here is real interesting. A judge upheld the Florida tobacco trial damages, an award of $145 billion dollars!

(sfx: angry men up and down)

The money is supposed to go to sick smokers and their families. (cough cough) I'm feelin a bit sick, ain't you boys?

(sfx: angry men cough?)

So if you're a terminal case tobacco addicted Florida voter livin' overseas ... why the world was your oyster this week, it was. Warn't it boys?

(sfx: angry men up and down)

You still got it. All eyes was on you! And that's this week's business report. I'm Captain Billy of the Muskelunge, sayin', watch out for pirates and other disreputable characters! They's attracted to money!

(sfx: at sea out)
(music: concertina out)

Dale Connelly Reporting Home