JOB HOPEFULS
by Wendy Vapors, 11/10/00

Dc: This is DCR, news meant for amusement. With the eventual change in power in Washington comes the enormous task of populating an administration with new appointments. There are thousands who see this as an opportunity to change careers and serve the public. We sent Wendy Vapors out to meet some of them.

(sfx: outdoors)
(sfx: crowd)

Wendy: I'm waiting outside the White House with a long line of job hopefuls ... people who would like to work for the new administration when it takes office in January. Let's talk with some of them. Sir? What sort of job are you hoping for?

Guy 1: Not to toot my own horn, but I would be a fantastic Secretary of State. I like to travel. I enjoy meeting people and getting to know them. I understand the secretary of state is often involved in state dinners and I love to eat fine meals. I know a little bit about wine but not so much that I'm a snob. Plus I have excellent table manners.

Wendy: The secretary of state's job is a very delicate political position. What kind of diplomacy background have you got?

Guy 1: Mine is a diploma from Pandering College in Medieval Pottery.

Wendy: No, no ... Secretary of State requires ... diplomacy.

Guy 1: Sure you can see it. I've got it with me.

(sfx: crumpling paper)

Never got around to putting it in a frame, but if I get this job, I think I will. And I am great on overseas flights.

Wendy: (moving on) Thank you.

Guy 1: (fading) They call me "Iron Trousers" because I can sit still for a long time! That'll make me a good little traveler!

Wendy: Thank you! Let's see who else is out here. Ma'am?

Gal 1: Yes?

Wendy: You're very ... attention getting in those long black robes.

Gal 1: Can you see me on the Supreme Court? I can.

Wendy: You're standing out here in line to apply for a Supreme Court appointment?

Gal 1: I know they don't have any openings now ... but I hear a bunch of them are gonna quit or die? Well, I guess we're all gonna die, but I mean ... shortly. Like in the next four years.

Wendy: What are your qualifications? Are you a judge already?

Gal 1: Amateur. But very serious about it.

Wendy: How do you get to be an amateur judge?

Gal 1: You just decide about things. I notice who people are going out with, what kind of car they drive, where they shop, who they know. I have a reference list of former friends who say I'm the most judgmental person they've ever met. So ... that would make me a pretty good judge.

Wendy: Still ... it may not be enough to get you confirmed by the Senate.

Gal 1: The Senate, what a bunch of worthless geeks. Just between you and me. How do you like my robes?

Wendy: Most of the other justices don't have that Mata Hari slit up the side.

Gal 1: I know. I designed this myself after I saw what Rehnquist did with the stripes on his robe for that impeachment thing. Like 'em?

Wendy: Not really.

Gal 1: You must not have very good taste, then.

Wendy: Moving on ... how about you?

Guy 2: (gruff) First lady.

Wendy: I think that job is already taken.

Guy 2: There's a lot more to it than hosting some dinners and a few photo ops. It takes a real organized, thoughtful person.

Wendy: I know but ...

Guy 2: Whoever fills this job ... it ought to be based on merit instead of the usual ... you know ... nepotism. It's worth a try, anyway.

Wendy: And so ... these hopefuls are in line waiting for a chance to join the new administration, even though the White House has sent a couple of people out already to tell the crowd there is no employment office inside, and no one to do the hiring. But when you have a dream ... you believe anything is possible! And when you believe anything is possible ... sometimes you wind up ... doing stuff like this. I'm Wendy Vapors and I'm reporting!

Dale Connelly Reporting Home