with Leslie Generic, 11/12/99
Leslie: Here now the news, I'm Leslie Generic.
Earlier this week, Sprawling Medical announced it will no longer require doctors
to get prior approval for costly patient care decisions.
Instead, the giant HMO will adopt a new policy of prevention, and today the first
step of that policy was presented by Sprawling Medical's CEO, Welby Kildare.
Kildare: We will begin, immediately, sending "an apple a day" to each
of our 14 million enrollees. This is quite an expensive undertaking, but we think
if we can get an apple a day to as many people as possible, this will keep the
doctors from getting close enough to prescribe expensive procedures.
(sfx: hubub up)
Reporter: (off mic) I need a lung transplant!
Kildare: Yes, I have apples for all of you.
(sfx: hubub out)
Leslie: Computer software giant Microsoft endured a rough spell on Wall Street
after being called a "monopoly" by the judge in it's anti-trust case
with the US government. The word was not in a verdict, but rather was part of
a number of "findings of fact" in the case.
One defense lawyer called it "name calling," and then called it "a
Lawyer: We all grew up hearing "sticks and stones will break my bones, but
names will never hurt me." Millions of children will now know that old rhyme
is a lie. The judge used the "M" word against Microsoft, and it hurt.
Big time. I hope he's satisfied. He's an old dumbo dumb goofy no good snot nose
hairball, and the government is a big bureaucratic bunch of gobbledeegook and
super dumb horse poopy. And I'm not taking it back!
Leslie: Speculation on the next step in the legal action is that the government
may require Mircosoft to break up into three separate companies. Computer industry
analyst Bitsy Jorgenson is one who feels a break up is inevitable.
Jorgenson: (phone) The "Baby Bills" would be divided basically along
specific lines, with each new company assuming control of different, equally important
parts of the Microsoft business.
One company would focus on stifling competition through intimidation.
Another separate company would concentrate on predatory business practices, buying
smaller companies and taking over their technology.
And a third company would issue upgrades and fixes on the products produced by
the other two.
Leslie: In other market news, a busy trading week has just concluded on the description
exchange, where pictures again gained in value over words. Chuck Upchurch reports.
(sfx: trading floor)
Chuck: It's long been said that "a picture is worth a thousand words."
But by the end of this week a picture was worth anywhere from ten thousand to
fifty thousand words and it looks like the sky is the limit. One giddy trader
said the accumulation of decades of provocative images has put words on the run.
Trader: The pictures are so much more ... I mean ... when you get to the heart
of ... it's like ... you look at it and ... wow! You know? I mean ... look! How
can words ...? They can't. No way.
Chuck: Analysts say a decline in high school writing skills has contributed to
a devaluation of the word, along with an exhausting over use of clichés. It's
expected pictures will close even higher next week, with the limit being ... the
sky! Chuck Upchurch, New York!
Leslie: There's another fairy tale in the news. Forrest Grimm reports.
Forrest: A local boy is in jail on suspicion of having maliciously cut down a
beanstalk and purposely caused the death of an angry giant!
Jack ... the only son of his poor old mother ... is said to have robbed the Giant
of many valuable goods including a hen that lays golden eggs!
Authorities believe Jack broke into the giant's home by way of a magic beanstalk,
which grew from seeds Jack collected in exchange for the family cow, "Milky
The supplier of the "magic beans" has not been found and is believed
to still be in the area, and police are cautioning youngsters against making "ill
advised trades" with mysterious strangers. Any beans, seeds or other agricultural
items received in a suspect trade should be reported to authorities immediately.
Chief of Police: We believe the beans sprouted when Jack's mother threw them out
the window in a fit of anger. Parents ... if you find such contraband on your
children or in their room ... it should be tested.
And children ... anything that grows up as high as the sky ... should not be climbed.
And finally ... if there are any giants listening ... Know your weight. Stay off
Forrest: The Health Department has requested that the Giant Impact area be avoided
at all costs for the next few days, while cleanup operations continue. Forrest
Grimm ... Illinois!
Leslie: And that's the news. I'm Leslie Generic.
Dale Connelly Reporting Home