NEWSCAST
with Leslie Generic, 12/03/99

Leslie: Here now the news, I'm Leslie Generic.
In a major report this week, the Center for the Study Human Error announced that Human Error is the major cause of errors of all kinds in the United States.
The director of the Center, Betty Bluett, made the announcement in Washington.

Betty: We looked at all errors that happened in the last five years and were shocked to find out that more than all of them were the result of human error. 188% of everything that went wrong was because somebody somewhere was stupid or careless or in too much of a hurry to do it right, and the price that we pay for that is enormous.

Leslie: Betty Bluett of the Center for the Study of Human Error. She later revised that figure downward to 88%. Her amended statement reads "almost all" errors are human, not "more than all."

In global trading news, the Better Barter Board debated breaking down barter barriers this week. Bud Buck Reports.

(sfx: outdoor)

Activists: Block Bad Barter. Block Bad Barter. Block Bad Barter.

Bud: The battle over barter barriers began with a bit of bluster and a brazen lobby blockade by the ballroom where the Better Barter Board was about to debate.
But Bart Burns of the Barter Board bargained for a break in the blockade.

Bart: I begged them. On bended knee. And they bought it.

Bud: Why are people bitter about the Better Barter Board?

Bart: Because we break up barter barriers.

Bud: But boosters of barter barriers, like Becky Bailey, believe in battling the Better Barter Board.

Becky: Barter is our bread and butter, Bud. We're better at barter than anybody. But backing away from barriers along borders and boundaries ... is bubble brained. Barriers are our best bet to build better a brand of barter.

Bud: How can barriers make barter better?

Becky: If a Bengali boy and a boy from Baraboo each build a basket, the Bengali basket brings a bigger bang for the buck than the Baraboo boy's basket, because in Baraboo a basket's a bargain basement bauble.
Barriers bring balance. And bureaucracy. But a bit of bureaucracy beats a big brawl.

Bud: The battle over the Better Barter Board is just beginning.
This is Bud Buck!

Leslie: There's another fairy tale in the news. We have a report from Forrest Grimm.

Forrest: Authorities are trying to sort out a chain of events that spiraled out of control last night and led to a temporary local mattress shortage! A young woman, claiming to be a princess, demanded a comfortable bed. When one mattress was found to be lumpy, another one was piled on top of it. And another and another until the stack stood twenty mattresses tall!
Still, she tossed and turned. And then ... it was discovered that under the very bottom mattress, someone had placed a single pea!
Eyewitnesses said that throughout the night, they could tell something was terribly wrong.

Guy: She was just uneasy. Real ... surly. Not friendly.

Gal: I thought "oh, get over yourself," you know? But now I feel a little guilty that I was so harsh because her bed had been peaed. Under.

Forrest: There are no leads in the case, as the pea did not contain fingerprints. Ballistics experts are comparing the pea to others on file to see if it can be determined if any came from the same pod. In the meantime, the mattresses have been returned to their proper owners, tags intact, and the princess, while still not comfortable, is sleeping better.
However, she does point out that the food here is horrid. Forrest Grimm, Delaware.

Dale Connelly Reporting Home