NEWSCAST
with Leslie Generic, 12/24/99

Leslie: Here now the News, I'm Leslie Generic.
The latest Shakey Poll has identified America's top seasonal images.
Pollster George Shakey says the results were predictable and reassuring.

George: Number six was Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, though very few people have actually eaten roasted chestnuts.
Image number five - Jack Frost nipping at your nose. This was slightly less popular in southern states.
Number four - Yuletide carols being sung by a choir.
Number three - Folks dressed up like Eskimos. Eskimos themselves weren't impressed by this image, but they're a rather small demographic.
Coming in at number two - Turkey and a mistletoe.
And finally ... seasonal image number one according to our poll - Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow. Although some people found this image spooky, especially if they had seen "Night of the Living Dead."

Leslie: George Shakey, president of the Shakey Polling organization.
A raucous disturbance last night led to a lot of confusion and an early closing time for a local club. Zelda Plowright reports.

Zelda: It's thought that "Yuletide Treasure" was the cause of the riot, which began when a group of people barged in and proceeded to "Deck the Halls with Boughs of Holly." Mary Measure was an eyewitness.

Mary: They just came in and took the place over. We tried to get them to tell us who they were and what they wanted, but mostly they just said "fa la la la la, la la la la, over and over again. It was frustrating and a little scary.

Zelda: The police report quotes one reveler saying "Tis the Season to be Jolly." A group of them proceeded to don "gay apparel" and "troll the ancient yuletide carol." One harp was struck in the melee, and a yule was described as "blazing."

Leslie: The State Department is denying rumors that three kings were injured in an explosion. Chuck Upchurch reports.

Chuck: The three kings, from the Orient, were bearing gifts and traveling far, over moor and mountain, field and fountain, following a star. But then rumors began to surface. Bobby Remling of Spike Jones Elementary was on the receiving end of one of them.

Bobby: What I heard was that three kings from the orient were smoking on a rubber cigar. It was loaded, and exploded. That's what I heard in the locker room, anyway.

Chuck: In fact, the three kings reached their westard destination safely and without incident. Authorities are trying to track the source of the "rubber cigar" rumor. Chuck Upchurch, the mideast.

Leslie: A new study from the Center for Sleep and Dreaming challenges the widely held belief that most Americans are dreaming of "a white Christmas." Martha D. Dewey is the author of the report.

Martha: Where the popular song would have us believe Americans dream of a white Christmas "just like the ones I used to know, where the treetops glisten and children listen to hear sleighbells in the snow" our data show that Americans are actually dreaming about food, losing weight, romance, and Christmas being over with. And winning the lottery.

Leslie: A living snowman was reportedly playing with children in a local park. Capt. Ron DeLay is a police spokesman.

DeLay: (phone) The suspect, answering to the name "Frosty," was observed coming to life after donning an old silk hat the children found. He is described as being about 6 feet tall, with a corn cob pipe, a button nose and two eyes made out of coal. The public should be on the lookout for him and should not ... I repeat NOT try to apprehend him. He was last seen running "here and there all around the square, saying 'Catch me if you can.'"

Leslie: Police spokesman Ron Delay. There were numerous complaints at a public hearing last night about regular disturbances of the peace involving the driver of "one horse open sleigh." One of the complaints came from area resident Bill Bobtail.

Bobtail: I like a good time and fun and a sleighing song as much as anybody, but night after night the bells ...the jingling bells ... really get to you. Jingle bells, jingle bells ... jingle all the way, back AND forth ... they're laughing too! Laughing all the way! Ha ha ha! It gets to you. It really does.

Leslie: Authorities say the nightly jaunts by the one horse open sleigh "dashing through the snow," should end after Christmas.
A holiday workplace drama has come to a seemingly peaceful end.
Forest Grimm reports.

(on phone, w/ jingling bells in bg)

Forest: Rudolph the red nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose. Those who have seen it, have said "it glows," which led to some trouble at work.

Dasher: All the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. And they kept him out of the games. I said to go easy on him, but no one listened.

Forest: Then, one foggy Christmas eve, Santa (the reindeer rancher), let Rudolph fly at the head of the pack. Instantly, the situation changed and those reindeer who had taunted him now loved Rudolph, and claimed he would go down in history. Understandably, Mr. Red Nosed has a hard time reconciling what happened to him.

Rudolph: One moment I'm a nobody. And then suddenly ... everything changes but I'm no different. I think there's too much emphasis in this culture on loving us for what we DO, as opposed to just loving us for who we ARE. Inside, you know? Suppose it hadn't been foggy, and they'd kept on teasing me! I might be up on the roof right now ... for an entirely different reason!

Forest: Fortunately this story had a happy ending. But how many other cases of taunting have gone unnoticed? Forest Grimm ... the North Pole!

Leslie: And that's the news ... I'm Leslie Generic.

Dale Connelly Reporting Home