N.Y.E. WATCH, PART 2
by Bud Buck, 12/31/99

Dc: Earlier in the show we were interrupted in the middle of a report from Bud Buck in a farmer's field near Grover's Mill, New Jersey, where a metallic cylinder of unknown origin had captured the attention of the world's press. He's back on the line now .... Live from Grover's Mill.
Bud?

(sfx: crowd milling around)
(all on phone)

Bud: ... rover's Mill New Jersey, with Dr. Wilfred Steed, professor of mob psychology at Pandering College. We were cut off earlier just as the top popped off the giant cylinder here in the farmer's field, and we discovered the awful truth.

Dc: What?

Bud: It's too horrible to describe. And I shudder to think what it means for ourselves and the future of our civilization, and our planet, even.

Dc: What?

Bud: Dr. Steed?

Steed: The cylinder was nothing more than a promotional gimmick for a brewery.

Bud: There were swimsuit models inside. They emerged from the cylinder, they handed out free samples of "Millennium Malt" to the world's thunderstruck media. They answered a few questions, posed for photos and then ... they left.

Steed: We were duped. The whole thing was a sham from start to finish.

Bud: I'm embarrassed that in our highly technological and cynical age, we got so excited over this ... stunt.

Dc: So this was presented as a news event ... but none of it was true?

Bud: A lie from start to finish. Totally preposterous.

Dc: And people can get away with that?

Steed: There's no law to prevent it, I'm afraid.

Bud: They played us like violins.

(sfx: rain starts under, grows)

Steed: But what concerns me is the feeling that we actually have been ... taken over, if you will. In our zeal to get "on top" of things, we sometimes rush to conclusions that are the most alarming and provocative ... simply because the worst fruits of our imagination demand the most attention.

Bud: If we had taken the time to think ... perhaps none of this would have happened. And now ... a cleansing rain has begun to fall here at the Grover's Mill site, as all around me reporters and technicians from the world's media slowly gather their equipment and prepare to go home ... dimly aware that they have been present ... and in fact have been key participants ... in the dawn of a new era.
They have sounded a false alarm ... and now must consider their damaged credibility as they ask themselves ... "how could we allow ourselves to be used?" We'll be sorting through this one for days and weeks and months ... even years to come. Professor?

Steed: Well said, Bud. I've nothing to add.

Dc: Bud, Professor ... I should share some of the responsibility here.

Bud: They did give me a free sample to bring back to you in the studio, Dale. All the media were well supplied with product for the editors and hosts back at headquarters.

Dc: I was sure we were on to a major story.

Bud: It was a total defeat for integrity today.

Dc: Perhaps we should just lick our wounds and not give the beer industry any more free publicity.

Bud: I agree.

Steed: Let's pop the top on our free samples of Millennium Malt ...

(sfx: pop tops)

... and drink to a more savvy, less gullible future, eh?

Bud: Here here, Professor. With Dr. Wilfred Steed, professor of mob psychology at Pandering College ... this is Bud Buck in Grover's Mill, New Jersey.

Steed: Not half bad, eh?

Bud: A distinctly nutty flavor, I think. But smooth!

Dale Connelly Reporting Home