Captain Billy - All-Pirate Superbowl
January 27, 2003

Listen (How to Listen)

Dale Connelly: The Super Bowl is over. It was over early. It was something of a disappointment ... but disappointment comes easily after a big buildup ... and part of the big buildup was the clash of the pirate teams.

(sfx: at sea)

That element got the attention of Capt. Billy and the crew of the Muskelunge, and they join us live from somewhere far out at sea ... capt?

Jim Ed Poole: Aye ...

DC: Well, Capt'n, did you watch the game?

JEP: Aye, that we did. Didn't we watch the game, boys?

(sfx: angry men up and down)

And we was mighty pleased to see that the pirates won! It was a satisfyin' outcome, warn't it boys?

(sfx: angry men up and down)

DC: But the pirates also lost.

JEP: Well now that's a kind of a 'glass-half-empty' way to look at it! To my way of thinkin', it was a great day for pirates because we're the champions of the world and nobody can ever take that away from us until next year when we can't remember who played in the darn game, right boys?

(sfx: angry men up and down)

An of course I was pleased to see that the disappointed fans of the losers went on a little rampage and destroyed some stuff last night, provin' that they's real social misfits, even in defeat. Ain't that right boys?

(sfx: angry men up and down)

Aye, I thinks THEY'S the real pirates, not the players.

DC: Did you watch the whole game?

JEP: Every moment of it, including the commercials and the promotions for upcoming programs, and me boys was quite impressed because that part of it was more violent than the game! Didn't you think so boys?

(sfx: angry men up and down)

Gimpy kept a careful log of what went on between the football playin'. Give it here, Gimp!

DC: You're saying Gimpy listed all the commercials and promos?

JEP: Sure he did.

DC: In detail?

JEP: Just impressions, scribbled down on a clip board, that's all. Lessee ... Coin toss ...
Football, football, football ...
Explosion, explosion, homicide, bikini, explosion, bikini ...
Football, football, football ...
Explosion, homicide, homicide, bikini, bikini, explosion ...
Football, football, football ...

DC: OK, Capt. I get the idea.

JEP: Wait a minute ... here comes the halftime show. Explosion, bikini, explosion, bellybutton, explosion.

DC: It's sounding monotonous.

JEP: Aye, me boys was bored AND tense ... which is a real bad combination. So ... We changed the channel to public television and spent an hour watching a show about puppies. Didn't we like the puppies boys?

(sfx: angry men up and down)

Aye, that was a good stress reliever there, it was. Then after that was over we went back to the football and exploding bikini show. But by then it was mostly over with.

DC: It sounds like a full evening.

JEP: And now that there ain't no Super Bowl to look forward to ... we goes back to our dreary day-to-day lives.

DC: But you can still have a day of discussing it when you gather around the water cooler today.

JEP: Actually ... the water cooler is gathered all around us, ain't that right, boys?

(sfx: angry men up and down)

It's a bit salty, though!

DC: Far, far out at sea, Capt. Billy and the crew of the Muskelunge.