Neutrinos
March 3, 2003

Listen (How to Listen)

(music: theme)

Dale Connelly: This section is brought to you by Found Snacks, makers of low fat Neutrinos. There's nothing to them!

(sfx: bag snack rustling, crunching)

Jim Ed Poole: (eating and talking) I've tried every snack on the market, but there's nothing out there with less to them than Neutrinos! No fat, no cholesterol, calorie free, substance free, and mass-free!

DC: Did you say Mass Free?

JEP: That's right! In laboratory tests, Neutrinos have been found to have nothing to find in the way of mass.

DC: But how can they occupy space if ...

JEP: They do it with flavor and texture! Try Delicious Regular, Ranch, Sour Cream, Barbecue and Jalapeno Cheese Neutrinos ... It's true what they say ...

... the crunch ...

(sfx: eating crunchy treat)

... is the biggest thing about it!

DC: The crunch is what?

JEP: The biggest thing about it!

DC: I couldn't hear for all the ...

(sfx: eating crunchy treat)

DC: Won't Neutrinos cause you to gain weight?

JEP: No, it's impossible, since they have no weight to begin with. Even the bag weighs more.

So relax. And have some Neutrinos! They don't fill you up!

(sfx: eating crunchy treat)

DC: They don't what?

JEP: What?

DC: Don't they fill you up?

JEP: NO! They pass right through!

DC: That doesn't sound so good!

JEP: No, they don't even use your digestive system! They just wander off between the atoms of your body. That's how insubstantial they are!

(sfx: eating crunchy treat)

DC: Then how do you keep them in the bag?

JEP: You can't! Open a bag ... they're gone!

They taste great and can't fill you up! No ingredients. No mass.

Try some! There will ALWAYS be nothing to a Neutrino!

DC: Neutrinos from Found Snacks. There's nothing to them!