Bowserbed - Pet Spending
March 6, 2003

Listen (How to Listen)

Dale Connelly: This section of our show is brought to you by Bowserbed, the vibrating pad for dogs. Pick one up for your best friend today.

Jim Ed Poole: whimper

DC: Because your dog knows more than you think. Your dog listens to the radio and reads the paper while you're gone ...

(sfx: tearing paper)

JEP: chewing

DC: That's right, that's reading, for your dog. And unlike you, when he tears an article out of the paper, he doesn't just set it down in a pile somewhere and forget it, he takes that information in ... he incorporates it ... especially when it happens to be an article about people and their pets.

JEP: swallowing gulp

DC: From his research, Sparky knows how much money Americans spend on their pets every year. And he's aware that in the Twin Cities the latest statistics say people spend over $400 a year per household ... on their pets. One of the highest rates around.

JEP: Wowee wow!

DC: And he has a pretty good idea that he's not getting his share!

JEP: growl, bark

DC: Which makes him feel like a congressman whose district is getting stiffed in the distribution of funds.

JEP: whimper woof woof whimper

DC: A frame of mind that could make your dog somewhat edgy and difficult to live with.

JEP: The reason for that discrepancy, Sparky, is that a lot of that figure comes from health care statistics. And as you know some dogs have very expensive ailments that are hard to care for and I'm sure you don't want to be in the position ... (fade) ... although in later years you may find that ...

DC: You could try to explain it to him ... or argue him out of it with your human reasoning ... but ultimately all Sparky cares about is that an insufficient number of treats are coming into the house, and he's miffed.

JEP: bark bark bark

DC: It's probably best to placate old sparky with a nice gift like a Bowserbed vibrating pad.

(sfx: compressor)

JEP: doggie ecstasy

DC: Sparky knows from his reading that a Bowserbed is an expensive toy for a dog. And it satisfies him in more ways than one when you bring it home, plug it in and turn it on.

JEP: ecstasy

DC: It massages him from the tip of his nose to the last hair on his tail. It scratches him where he itches and sooths his aching muscles ... And it helps him feel like he is as costly to you, as any pet ... anywhere.

JEP: chortle

DC: And to him, that's a certain expression of love. Bowserbed. Pick one up for your best friend ... today.