Genway - Famous Name Mushrooms
April 7, 2003

Listen (How to Listen)

(music: bali Hai)

Dale Connelly: This section of our show is brought to you by Genway, the supermarket for genetically engineered foods. If you like your food refined, try the redefined foods of Genway ... now from the food lab, here's Dr. Larry Kyle.

Jim Ed Poole: Yes ... the special this week is Genway Famous Name Mushrooms!

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Heh heh heh heh ... mushrooms are wonderful in soups and stews. Some people put them on salads or on burgers, but mushrooms can also make people nervous, because just like people, some mushrooms are not our friends, and you have to wonder: "Is this safe?"

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Heh heh heh heh heh ... One way to put your mind at ease: Genway Famous Name Mushrooms!

DC: They're guaranteed safe?

JEP:: Not exactly. We don't "guarantee" anything, but Genway Famous Name Mushrooms are endorsed by celebrities!

DC: So you've got celebrities selling your mushrooms.

JEP:: Not "selling." "Contributing!"

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Heh heh heh heh heh ... the DNA of your favorite celebrity is right here in the mushroom.

Don't worry ... it doesn't really affect the mushroom in any way. But it's your assurance of quality, because there's a famous person involved! And we know personalities make all the difference.

When you watch the news, who do you trust? Tom Brokaw? Dan Rather? Bill O'Reilly? What about movie stars? Do you trust Halle Berry or Martin Sheen? Maybe Charlton Heston is more your kind of celebrity! We've got samples from all of them! They're in the mushrooms! Look for their picture on the package.

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Heh heh heh heh!

DC: Dr. Kyle .. this sounds perverse and unnatural.

JEP:: Yes. Thank you.

I like it, too, because it takes our sick fascination with celebrities one more step. Heh heh.

Anybody can pick up a product, look at a camera, and say "I use this." But when you say "I'm in this" ... that endorsement that means something.

DC: What's in it for the celebrities?

JEP:: It's another way to measure how much we love them.

DC: But what about taste?

JEP:: Oh, I think we're agreed the whole thing is pretty tasteless.

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Heh heh heh ... But if it sells mushrooms, I'm OK with it!

DC: The special this week ... Famous Name Mushrooms. Look for them at Genway, the supermarket for genetically engineered foods, Dr. Larry Kyle, produce manager.