Accounting Tax Tips
April 7, 2003

Listen (How to Listen)

Dale Connelly: April 15 is just a week away, and Gary Sly is here from the accounting firm Gamble and Hyde, to talk about last minute strategies as you prepare your paperwork. Good morning.

Jim Ed Poole: (soft voice, understated) Thank you. Glad to have a chance to help people with their taxes.

DC: I think the popular image is that accountants are just for the super-rich.

JEP: Nothing could be further from the truth. Math knows no preferences. Rich, poor, inbetween.

DC: But if you have a lot of money, there are secret techniques accountants will show you to take advantage of and loopholes and tricks and stuff.

JEP: (chuckles) No, no no! Really, my advice is the same, no matter what. The stuff about loopholes is overdone.

(sfx: paper)

DC: OK, well, I brought in all my documents so you could give them a once over and tell me how I might change a few things ...

JEP: Uh huh. Oh yes. Look at this. Do you have a dog, or do you drink lemonade while you prepare the papers?

DC: Sorry. I used the hair dryer on that.

JEP: Let's go right to the bottom line. Let's see ... Oh my. That's a rather large tax payment.

DC: What can I do to lower that?

JEP: Um ... Nothing. You're going to have to bite the bullet, I'm afraid.

DC: Really? And you would tell me the same if I were a CEO of some big company? No special secret techniques?

JEP: It's a very cut and dried business, accounting is. There's none of the gamesmanship people say there is.

DC: What about this flyer on ... what your company calls ... "Foundation Savings."

JEP: (surprised, suspicious) Ah! Where'd you get that?

DC: Is it OK for me to have this?

JEP: Nothing wrong with it at all. Nothing illegal.

DC: I didn't say anything about it being illegal.

JEP: Me neither. But Foundation Savings is a program we usually discuss only with our best clients, the ones in "The Gold Circle".

DC: I thought you treated everyone the same!

JEP: Everyone outside the Gold Circle gets treated the same. And everyone inside the Gold Circle is treated to a different kind of same.

DC: How are the two sames different.

JEP: I can't discuss it with a non-Gold Circle client. And if you're in the Gold Circle, we can only talk about it after you've signed the confidentiality agreement.

DC: There's a confidentiality agreement?

JEP: (defensive) Not because anything's illegal.

DC: Ah, so this is the dicey stuff!

JEP: No, no, no! We have written opinions on file saying all our tax reduction plans are probably pretty much O.K. Legalistically.

(sfx: paper rustling as documents are pulled from briefcase)

Here's one on very nice letterhead that says: "The Gamble and Hyde Foundation Savings program, in my opinion, is not as bad as stealing."

Here's another: "The IRS will not object to this plan if they don't catch anyone doing it."

These are from top tax investigators and judges and such.

DC: I recognize this name. This guy is in jail. Right?

JEP: He has "hands-on" experience with the legal system, yes.

DC: They got their hands on him, you mean?

JEP: I really can't discuss that in depth with a non-Gold Circle client. Sorry.

DC: In this "Foundation Savings" flyer, you tell people with a huge, taxable windfall to stash the money inside cement blocks in the basement.

JEP: It's perfectly legal to do that, by the way.

DC: When do you report it as income?

JEP: Technically it's not income. It's part of your house.

DC: It's not a structural part of the house.

JEP: But an IRS auditor going through your basement would probably not notice it, so that makes it OK. And then the money is there when you need it. Get a sledgehammer, break open a block, and take out the cash.

DC: And then you would report it as income?

JEP: There's nothing to report. If you measure it by weight, you get a little bit of money, and a whole lot of construction debris, which is not taxable.

DC: This is cheating. Plus, your money isn't working for you when it's stashed inside a cement block, so you actually lose on the deal.

JEP: Yes, and you can take that loss as a tax write off.

DC: But you're denying the money exists in the first place.

JEP: Well ...

DC: You can't have it both ways.

JEP: Actually, if no one's paying attention, you can.

(sfx: rustle of paper out of briefcase)

But for me to tell you more, I would have to get your Gold Club password, and I know you don't have one. Sorry.

DC: Maybe I can get into the gold club.

(sfx: rustling papers)

JEP: See this line right here? That says to me ... Uh uh. Time to pay up. That's my best advice ... unless you win the lottery.

Dc: Gary Sly with the accounting firm of Gamble and Hyde.

JEP: Glad I could help.