Acme Verbiage
May 2, 2003

Listen (How to Listen)

Dale Connelly: This section of our show is brought to you by Acme Verbiage. Where it's at in chit chat.

(sfx: cocktail party crowd)

(music: piano "the party's over)

It's springtime, and parties are being organized as people enjoy each other's company in the fine weather.

It's a lovely evening ... it's a great party, with great people and great food. There seems to be an endless supply of small talk. But suddenly ...

(sfx: party out)

(music: piano out)

Your guests run out of things to say!

Jim Ed Poole: Uh-oh. (calling off) Honey? Come quick!

Beth Gilleland: (fade on) What's the problem? Need more chips, more ... Oh NO! They're standing around like zombies!

JEP: There's no more small talk! Everything's been said!

BG: It's only 8:30!

JEP: I know!

BG: Go to the basement and get more comments, opinions, WORDS!

JEP: I brought everything up! (fade under) Even the weather chat from last Fall about it being too warm, but they burned through that in about ten minutes. There's nothing left!

DC: As the Spring social season begins and you lay in a supply of hors d'oeuvres and bratwurst and relish ... designer ice cube trays and little tiny umbrellas for the drinks ... don't forget to stock up on small talk!

JEP: (fade up) ... and I couldn't get any sports. It's the most popular kind of small talk right now.

BG: Even more popular than war?

JEP: They're all out of both!

BG: And nothing in the basement?

JEP: Some observations from a panel discussion of "Free market theory and the role of the individual in a global economy!" And some bullet points from "Thoughts on religion in a time of crisis."

BG: Ugh! That's that public radio pack!

JEP: It came with the membership!

BG: That's useless. This is a party! What we need are empty platitudes!

(music: piano plays "The Party's Over")

DC: Acme Verbiage reminds you to stock up on appropriate, light language for social functions this spring. Our warehouse full of sparkling, frothy conversation peppered with trite observations and harmless, forgettable jokes that leave no residue. No heavy topics. Nothing to trigger a thoughtful pause that might lead to a suffocating silence!

BG: (sigh) Well, you know what they say about small talk ...

JEP: No, what do they say about it?

BG: (defeated) I don't know!

DC: When there's nothing left to say, you'll be glad you stockpiled the small talk for your spring and summer parties.

Don't be embarrassed. Call Acme Verbiage. Where it's at in Chit Chat.