Genway - Head-Over-Heels Honey
February 14, 2003

Listen (How to Listen)

Dale Connelly: This section of our show is brought to you by Genway, the supermarket for genetically engineered foods. If you like your foods refined, try the redefined foods of Genway.

(music: theme) A

nd now, from the food lab, here's the produce manager, Dr. Larry Kyle.

Jim Ed Poole: Yes, good morning. Happy Valentine's Day!

DC: Happy Valentine's Day to you too.

JEP: It's going to be a very happy Valentine's Day for me, but even happier for our lucky customers who come in for our holiday special ... Genway Head-Over-Heels Honey.

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Heh heh heh heh. Honey is always tempting and sweet, but Head-Over-Heels Honey, or H3O, as we call it here at the shop, is very, very potent in strictly romantic terms.

Just a little bit behind the ear or at the base of the neck ... and you'll be irresistible to the opposite sex.

DC: So you're saying the honey is an aphrodisiac? Like Spanish Fly?

JEP: Yes!

DC: But Dr. Kyle, Spanish Fly is a popular myth!

JEP: Yes, and it's a popular mythter!

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JEP: Heh heh heh ...

DC: I mean ... Spanish Fly doesn't exist. It's make-believe.

JEP: Tell that to the bees.

DC: The bees?

JEP: Honeybees. Heh heh heh ... We cracked the DNA code for the pheromones that queen honeybees produce. It's the thing that keeps the worker bees in line! One whiff and they feel compelled to raise the queen's young and basically do her bidding, no matter what.

Call me a fool, but I thought modern women might want access to that kind of chemical.

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Heh heh heh ... so I made some. That's why Head-Over-Heels Honey is so ... dramatic.

Just a drop here or there does the trick. And the beautiful thing about it is ... you don't have to limit yourself to using it on one person. This is designed for the politics of the hive, so if you want one worker to do your bidding, or three, or five, or five thousand ... it affects them all!

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Heh heh heh ... great for the economy! Productivity goes way up.

DC: And they don't fight?

JEP: They only live to serve the queen! If the queen wishes for them to fight, they'll fight. If the queen wishes for them to do her laundry or change the oil in her car, or vacuum the kitchen, or clean the toilet, they will!

DC: Can men use this synthesized queen bee pheromone ... to get women to do THEIR bidding?

JEP: I don't know. Mrs. Kyle told me not to even try it.

DC: I take it this is a popular item at Genway?

JEP: Yes, especially for office use. Female supervisors love it, but I have to warn you ... I can only sell Head-Over-Heels Honey to one person in each workplace ... if the worker bees get the message that there are two or even three queens around ... they get confused and very surly.

DC: So ... the item for Valentine's Day is Head-Over-Heals Honey, specially formulated with bee pheromones to make ordinary acquaintances want to raise your young and do your bidding!

JEP: It also makes them want to cook!

DC: Find it at Genway, the supermarket for genetically engineered foods. Dr. Larry Kyle, produce manager.

(music: theme end)