Dr. Byron Dooley - Love Handles
February 14, 2003

Listen (How to Listen)

Dale Connelly: This section of our show is brought to you by the Dooley Cosmetic Surgery Clinic, Dr. Byron Dooley, proprietor. Wonders are performed daily at the Dooley clinic! Stuck for a last minute gift for that Valentine of yours? How about a Dr. Dooley gift certificate for Love Handles! Here's Doctor Dooley to tell us more about it.

Jim Ed Poole: Yo! Here's the deal ... buy one Love Handle re-location—get one free. An the thing 'bout love handles ... they really can be useful, y'know? It's a place to grab a fistful of that special someone.

DC: Traditionally, nature has placed the love handle around the waist area, but Dr. Dooley noticed that for some couples, the positioning was all wrong. With his liposuction/lipo blowing technique, the doctor can actually take those handles and move them to a location more comfortable and convenient for your partner. Right, Doctor?

JEP: Yeah ... I got a couple here ... Mr. And Mrs. Gary Moulding.

Mr. Moulding will be receiving the treatment live, right here, right now, on this show; and Mrs. Moulding is gonna direct it. Thanks for being willing to share this operation with the listening public.

Beth Gilleland: I think it's important for people to know that they can change their lives. That's why Gary and I agreed to do this ... and also ... so we could get the extra deep discount.

JEP: An' this is a very common operation at the Dooley clinic. A simple matter of moving the love handles to a more convenient location, right?

BG: Yes, I'm quite tall and Gary is ... is not. And if I want to get his attention or steer him in a particular direction ... reaching all the way down there to grab a roll of fat is ... well, it strains my back. And our relationship.

JEP: So our goal today is to move Gary's love handles up.

BG: Right. Both of them. Buy one get one free.

JEP: Absolutely! Let's bring Gary out here, eh?

(sfx: gurney wheels from out to close)

Just roll 'im out here ... that's good. OK, let's take a look under the sheet.

(sfx: whoosh of sheet pulled off)

That him?

BG: (surprised) He's not conscious.

JEP: It's easier to work with 'em like this. That OK?

BG: No ... this is fine. This ... is good.

JEP: Let's get started with the LipoSuction ... (call off) Start the suction!

(sfx: vacuum)

OK ... we've got power to the nozzle ... I'm gonna insert the needle beneath the skin in the primary love handle area around the waist. You're gonna say when.

BG: All right.

(sfx: fat suction - JEP voc)

That's good ... get that ... and that! Look at how it's going down ... like deflating a balloon!

JEP: I think the tank is full. (calling off) Shut it down!

(sfx: vacuum off)

BG: Well, he's looking saggier around the middle now.

JEP: That'll tighten up as the skin contracts. But let's look at where you want these love handles to go! Up about 8 inches ... say right around the ribs?

BG: I think that would be good. Right about here.

JEP: (calling off) Reverse the motor ... for LipoBlowing!

(sfx: reverse vacuum on)

BG: You don't have to put it all back in.

(sfx: fat blowing back in - JEP voc)

That looks good. That's about right. If you could get it about the same on the other side.

(sfx: fat blowing back in - JEP voc)

Enough! I think that'll do. That's about hand height for me.

JEP: Those should stay in place ... rock solid. An' we got some left over.

BG: Could you put a little up here by the ears? Gary's always been a bit of a lightweight in the cranium.

JEP: No problem.

(sfx: fat blowing back in ... twice ... tk voc)

BG: That's good. Much better. He looked pinched. This helps. And what you have left there ... if it could go just about midway between the elbows and the shoulders ...

(sfx: fat blowing back in ... twice ... tk voc)

Yes ... he teases me about my flabby arms. This should put a stop to that!

JEP: OK. It's all been re-located. (calling off) Shut her down!

(sfx: reverse vacuum off)

So ... how does he look?

BG: I never imagined that my Gary could be re-sculpted so quickly. It's amazing. Like he's not the same man.

JEP: An' he slept through the whole thing. He has no idea what happened.

BG: And let's keep it that way, Doctor.

JEP: Absolutely!

DC: Nothing says "I love you" more sincerely than custom tailoring the shape of your body for that special person. The Valentine's deal ... when you have one love handle moved ... Dr. Dooley will move the second one absolutely free.

Have yours done in time for the summer grappling season ... contact the Dooley Cosmetic Surgery Clinic, Dr. Byron Dooley, proprietor.

JEP: I'm tellin' ya, wonders are bein' performed daily!