Bowserbed / Snorkeling

Dale Connelly: This section of our show is brought to you by Boswerbed, the vibrating pad for dogs. You love your dog. You and your dog are best pals.

Connie: C'mere Sparky! Sparky!

Jim Ed Poole: woof woof woof! Pant pant pant!

DC: Though frankly, your best pal has habits that you prefer to overlook.

JP: lick lick lick lick lick

DC: Like that licking thing he does.

Connie: Oh, Sparky!

DC: And it's not just a little lick.

DC: When Sparky gets down to business, it sounds like he's snorkeling.

JP: (very wet) LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK.

Connie: Sparky, stop! Ugh! That's disgusting!

DC: He goes into his own little world ... a self absorbed cocoon, where he has no head, no tail ... he becomes another kind of creature ... a furry, slurping, nibbling-on-itself ... donut.

JP: nibble nibble nibble nibble nibble nibble

Connie: Ugh!

DC: And even though he is your best friend, you have to do something!

Connie: Sparky! Stop! Just stop it!

JP: (suddenly stops) ?

Connie: You are so gross!

JP: (happy) woof woof woof!

Connie: No! Get down! Get away from me!

DC: It's at times like these, when you really don't want Sparky to put his face anywhere near you ... that you need to provide him with a distraction! How about a Bowserbed Vibrating Pad for Dogs?

(sfx: compressor)

JP: doggie ecstasy

DC: Because all that licking he does comes at a price. His neck aches from the twisting, his jowl muscles are sore ... but the Bowserbed soothes all these pains and allows your dog to focus on the pleasant feeling of an all over, snoot to tail, body massage.

JP: doggie ecstasy

DC: Keep it in the living room, plugged in and ready to go. And when you get the Bowserbed Deluxe, it comes with a remote control, so you can turn it on and off from your chair!

Connie: All right, that's enough fun for you.

(sfx: compressor off)

JP: (momentary surprise) Lick lick lick lick lick lick lick

Connie: Oh, Sparky! Honestly!

(sfx: compressor on)

JP: doggie ecstasy

DC: Bowserbed, the vibrating pad for dogs. Pick one up for your best friend today.