Bud Buck / Volcanoes

Dale Connelly: There are deep mine shafts around here. And down at the bottom of one is the morning show's senior correspondent, Bud Buck. Bud, are you there?

Jim Ed Poole: (deep echo) Right here.

DC: What takes you to the bottom of a mine this morning?

JP: Well ... There was an elevator.

DC: I mean ... philosophically ... why?

JP: It all came from my thirst for information.
I got to town and began asking questions.
I wanted to get behind the façade.
I wanted access to the secret Hibbing, the Hibbing no one knows.

DC: So you've been working on this for a while.

JP: Since 9 o'clock last night, when I hit town.

DC: And have the locals been cooperative?

DC: And what did they tell you?

JP: You mean after the shouting and the curses? The complaining about it being the middle of the night?

DC: Yes, once you wore them down.

JP: They told me ... what you seek is in the mines. They urged me to get underground as quickly as possible. So here I am.

DC: But did they tell you what you're looking for?

JP: Yes they did. But it's so amazing, I hesitate to tell you for fear you won't believe it.

DC: YOU believed it.

JP: I'm a trained journalist. I'll believe anything if I think there's been a cover up.

DC: You've uncovered a cover up?

JP: The real reason they went to open pit mining years ago is NOT what you think. They're hiding the fact that some of these old mines were dug so deep, they accidentally nicked the edge of the molten core of the Earth! They closed them up to keep a volcano from happening right here in Hibbing.

DC: That sounds ludicrous.

JP: Yes, but if it's true, I've got a scoop!

DC: Have you found anything yet?

JP: No, but I'm hoping any moment I'll hear the bubbling sound of red hot lava squirting up one of these mine shafts like toothpaste from a tube.

DC: But aren't you concerned for your safety?

JP: Not at all. I feel cared for ... watched over. One family insisted I take a couple of potholders from their own kitchen ... in case I encounter red hot lava. That's the kind of person who lives in Hibbing.

DC: That's pretty impressive. How long will you continue?

JP: I can go a long time.

DC: Won't you get hungry?

JP: One of the secrets I learned from the experts is that you can eat well down here underground ... If you know how to catch a Taconite Snipe.

DC: They sent you snipe hunting?

JP: Yes. But there's another secret there that I was able to charm out of the townspeople.

DC: I can't wait.

JP: To catch a Taconite Snipe, you have to face the wall of the mine shaft ... and expose your bare rear end.

DC: Is that right?

JP: Since Taconite Snipes live underground ... they think the moon has come out! They don't know any better. They're drawn to it. When you hear a rustling behind you, you spin around quickly and throw a net over the creature ... and then you've caught it. But they're shy, so you have make your move when there aren't any tour groups coming through.

DC: That's a difficult bit of timing.

JP: No, actually, the people told me exactly when to do it. I set my watch and I know exactly when to drop my drawers.

DC: You've got it all figured out.

JP: It's because I know enough to ask the locals!

DC: Good luck. Our man Bud Buck, deep underground.