Fearless Halloween

Dale Connelly: October is the month of Halloween, and if you look in the stores you'll see they're already full of costumes and props and stuff. But questions surface as to how useful is this observance? Might it be counter productive, celebrating the imagery of fear? Renowned Halloweenologist Morely Ichabod has thought about this and written about it and he joins us here on stage. Good morning.

Ichabod: (yoda-like) Good morning.

DC: Some people are bugged by Halloween and they're suggesting we ditch it. What do you think?

Ichabod: (interested) Tell me more about the ditch. How deep is it? Is it like an open pit mine? Would we bury it alive?

DC: Not literally.

Ichabod: Too bad.

DC: You are really in to the creepy stuff.

Ichabod: People find comfort in Halloween!

DC: What's comforting about ghosts and goblins and skeletons and stuff?

Ichabod: It's funny.

DC: It's not funny to everyone. It's disgusting.

Ichabod: Yes, disgusting AND funny!

DC: Aren't there certain things that are too ghoulish and can't be excused.

Ichabod: What do you think?

(sfx: pop)

Ichabod: Oooops!

DC: Hey! Your eyeball fell out!

Ichabod: Don't touch it! It's original ... not glass ... DON'T! I said don't TOUCH IT!

DC: Yeugh. Still warm.. Take it. I need to go wash my hand!

Ichabod: Your hand? What about my eye? I've got to see with that!

DC: Are you gonna take it? It's creeping me out.

Ichabod: What are you smirking at? It's not funny!

DC: Well, You were saying Halloween is funny!

Ichabod: This is my eyeball! It's got your fingerprints all over it. Give it here.

(sfx: pop back in)

There. Ak.

DC: Finally. Good as new.

Ichabod: You smudged it!

DC: Sorry. Blink. Blink a lot. And finish your thought. You were saying Halloween horror is funny and I was saying for some, horror is just ... horrifying.

Ichabod: Not when they know it's make-believe.

DC: But how do you know?

(sfx: pop)

Tk: DRAT!

DC: That's one loose fitting eyeball.

Ichabod: Don't touch it!

DC: But it's rolling towards the edge of ... Now it's in the crowd.

Ichabod: My eyeball!

DC: They're passing it around. It's already several rows back. Could someone ... ?

Ichabod: That's Private property! They can't keep it, can they?

DC: Remember ... we're in a high school.

Ichabod: Where's the principal?

DC: Somebody's got it. (calling) Have you? Could you toss it up here?

Ichabod: No!

DC: Here it comes!

Ichabod: No, no, NO!

(sfx: loud splat)

My EYE! The GOOD one!

DC: (pause) You were saying people like disgusting things.

Ichabod: Not when it's this personal!

DC: That's right. And that's our real point. We were pretending ... using radio magic to get the message across, right?

Ichabod: What you just heard going SPLAT here on the stage was NOT my real eyeball.

DC: It was a phony sound effect. More Halloween fun!

Ichabod: I think someone in the crowd still has my eyeball, don't they? I lost track of it when it popped out that second time.

DC: Actually ... here it is in my coffee cup! See? See? It's looking right at us.

Ichabod: You haven't licked this spoon, have you?

DC: Not lately.

Ichabod: We'll just fish it out.

(sfx: spoon in cup)

DC: There you go ...

Ichabod: There. Yes.

(sfx: pop back in)

Oh, WOW! Yes, YES! That is STRONG coffee!

DC: That one eye looks REALLY awake. So ... the bottom line on Halloween?

Ichabod: Too much sugar! Agh!

DC: Halloweenologist Morely Ichabod.