Genway / Hibbing

DC: This section of our show is brought to you by Genway, the supermarket for genetically engineered foods.

(music: Bali Hai)

If you like your food refined, try the redefined foods of Genway. And now, from the food lab, here's the produce manager, Dr. Larry Kyle.

Jim Ed Poole: Yes ... it's fall, and the fall fruit is Apples. There are dozens of varieties of apples, tart, sweet, soft, crisp ... but there's no apple like the Genway apple. We got rid of the core!

(sfx: bolt)

Heh heh heh heh ...

DC: Doctor Kyle ... What do you mean you "got rid of" the core?

JP: The core is the one thing about an apple that even apple lovers don't love. It's messy. It gets in the way. Gets stuck in your teeth. After it's been in the garbage a couple of hours it turns brown and smells. Nobody likes it, so we made it go away. Genway apples are all apple, all the way through!

DC: But the apple core carried the seeds.

JP: We don't need seeds!

(sfx: bolt)

Heh heh heh heh.

DC: And the core was connected to that little stem! I hope you kept ...

JP: We got rid of the stem!

DC: You got rid of the stem?

JP: In nature, the stem connects the apple to the tree, but the tree is so messy and hard to take care of ... we got rid of the tree!

DC: You got rid of the tree?

JP: Is there an echo in here? We got rid of the tree.

(sfx: bolt)

DC: No core. No seeds. No stem. No tree. What else? Did you get rid of the worm?

JP: Actually, we kept the worm.

(sfx: bolt)

Heh heh heh heh .... We hijacked the caterpillar's reproductive system because nature is very good at making lots and lots of bugs! So we switched things around, and now Genway apples grow inside sterilized pouches made from re-purposed caterpillar tents. Heh heh heh.

(sfx: bolt)

Heh heh heh heh heh heh ...

DC: So I'm trying to picture this. What's in the Genway orchard? No trees.

JP: No! Just ... stainless steel support structures. Millions of silky woven caterpillar tents hanging every which way as far as the eye can see. Bulging with Red Delicious. McIntosh. Haralson. And Caterpillars, of course. .

DC: There are still caterpillars?

JP: Oh yes. We need them.

DC: But if you truly switched things around ...

JP: You're getting ahead of me. Don't get ahead of me.

(sfx: bolt)

Heh heh heh!

DC: The apple eats the worm?

JP: Not right away. First the worm gets inside ... ... and then ... slowly ... the hole ... closes behind it!

(sfx: bolt)

Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh! Trapped! That's how they grow. The more worms, the bigger the apple. Bigger and bigger and BIGGER!

DC: So when you eat a Genway apple, you're eating worms?

JP: Not so you can tell. It still looks and feels like an apple.

DC And the taste?

JP: Appley, but with a hint of smoky, meaty flavor.

DC: Amazing.

JP: Yes, nature is full of startling transformations. We're just like nature, without the accountability.

(sfx: bolt)

Heh heh heh heh.

DC: So the special this week ... Genway apples, grown by the millions in caterpillar tents, made without cores or stems or trees. And bug resistant.

(music: cross fade to theme conclusion)

JP: More than resistant! They're voracious!

DC: Find them at Genway, the supermarket for genetically engineered foods, Dr. Larry Kyle, produce manager.