Sherpa Iron Range Edition

Dale Connelly: This section of our show is brought to you by the Sherpa Sport Utility vehicle from Intimida. It's a mighty big car! And we don't say that lightly. Because "Mighty Big" is a mighty subjective term. It means one thing when you're taking lunch with friends at a club by Lake Minnetonka ...

(sfx: cocktail party)

Ted: (fade up) ... so for her 16th birthday, we decided to let Buffy go down to the dealership ... and pick out a new car!

Alison: And ... you'll be so amused when you hear what she chose!

Ted: (searching for the words) ... it's a thing ... an off road sort of ... what is it dear?

Alison: A Superba? A Shooper?

Ted: Anyway ... for the party, she insisted that we park it on the patio by the pool. The weight of it caused the irrigation system to go haywire!

Alison: And this is the part that just floors me ... it's larger than the guest cottage!

Ted: We call it a "cottage," but it does have a three story atrium and a grand staircase. But anyway ... the car was bigger.

Alison: That's mighty big.

(sfx: cocktail party out)

DC: AND ... "mighty big" means something totally different when you're in the northeastern corner of Minnesota.

(sfx: heavy equipment)

Guide: (straining to talk over earth movers) Here at the mine we use some of the largest earth movers in the world. Any questions? Yes?

Tourist: How big is the tire?

Guide: The question is: "how big is the tire?" Just ONE of these tires is large enough ... if it were to get away from us and start rolling down the hill ... it's large enough to crush your typical Lake Minnetonka guest cottage! (pause) And when I say "cottage", I mean the kind with a grand staircase. That's Mighty Big.

(sfx: heavy equipment out)

DC: Clearly, to make an impression in Hibbing, Intimida had to "up the ante," and that's just what we did with the new Sherpa Iron Range Edition!

(music: theme)

For starters ... the Iron Range Sherpa got rid of the flimsy sheet metal that most cars use, and replaced it with a three inch thick slab of pure, galvanized taconite! The whole body's made of it!

Tk: vol sfx: peel and slow acceleration

DC: That means weight. And presence. That means it uses more gas than any other vehicle on the road today ... no small claim for no small car.

Tk: In fact, the Sherpa Iron Range Edition comes with a heavy duty trailer hitch so you can tow a supplemental gas trailer wherever you go. No other car needs or deserves so much extra fuel. But that's not all.

DC: The Iron Range Sherpa stands above the crowd in height! With so many tall trees close by, the vertical reach had to be increased.

Tk: Now every single Iron Range edition Sherpa is registered with the National Forest Service as an official fire watch tower. In fact, the Forest Service may want lease space in your Sherpa's cab ... lookout space AND temporary housing for Forest Service employees ... but you'll hardly know they're there because ...

DC: Every Iron Range Sherpa has a mother-in-law apartment WITH a separate entrance. The strong family ties of the Iron Range made it essential that there be room for everyone on board, and that's important because ...

Tk: There's a kitchen! You can't get family together unless you're prepared to feed them, and now you can without slowing down, thanks to the "on board" galley! Pasties, Porketta, you name it, you can make it all while you travel in your Sherpa.

DC: Just as Iron Rangers excel in whatever they do, your Iron Range Sherpa cuts quite a dashing figure as you cruise through the American landscape.

Tk: vox sfx: high speed pass by w/ shift

DC: And ... because it's made of iron ore, it throws off compasses wherever you go!

Tk: (reading compass) … it says here North is … that way! (puzzled) Heading west at a high rate of speed!

(music: Sherpa theme close)

DC: Whether you're hauling, clearing, digging, or locating mineral wealth hidden deep in the Earth, all arrows point to your Iron Range Sherpa from Intimida ... it's a mighty big car.