The Inaudible Processional
My wife and I are both singers, and we had been asked to sing at a wedding of someone we didn't know, but we were recommended by a friend of ours who was also singing in the same wedding. My wife Erin (a far more tenacious woman than I) negotiated a rather hefty fee, and we were given an array of music that was, shall we say, eclectic. The only song I remember from the pile of "cliche" songs was "Prayer" by Celine Dione and Andrea Bocelli. After getting the song selections, our friend stopped by and we practiced. We were given no direction, as we heard that the bride and groom "didn't really care about the music anyway" so whatever we did was just fine with them. The wedding was at a park with a fountain and they did not allow any amplification. When we arrived, we were told that we would be able to play "background music" of "whatever you want." I got out my guitar and plunked away on some solo classical numbers, played a bit of a Leo Kottke tune, and then we sang one of the songs selected to a gathering crowd who payed absolutely no attention. I started a few acoustic strains of "Smoke on the Water" just to see what would happen but my wife stopped me after the first few bars. It came time for the wedding. The bride thought it would be "really pretty" if we lined up in front of the fountain. My wife and her battery-powered keyboard and my acoustic were set. They turned off the fountain. The bride thought the fountain would should go back on because it was "pretty cool." They turned the fountain on. My wife started the processional. It was inaudible. No one knew she was playing. I think the pastor had to motion them in. We played more inaudible background music. The fountain behind us roared away. We could hear almost nothing of the ceremony as the water splashed and swished. We played another song with vocals. No one could hear. We played the recessional and everyone left. This was the first time I ever got paid rather handsomely and learned a plethora of music that in the end, no one ever heard performed. There was also the memory I had where I was singing with a friend, and before we went on, the organist played the "Paco Bell Cannon" (as written in the bulletin). It was difficult to keep a straight face as we plowed through "Love Will Be our Home" by Sandi Patti, because all I could think of was . . . Run for the Border! Stephen Berg |
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